


Not All Wounds Are Visible

by r4bb1th0le



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: ADHD, Abuse, Angst, Anorexia, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Bisexual Lance, Child Abuse, Cuban Lance (Voltron), Depressed Keith, Depression, F/M, Gay Keith, Gender Dysphoria, Group Therapy, Homophobia, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Internal Conflict, Internal homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Japanese Shiro, Keith and Shiro are Adoptive Siblings, Keith and Shiro are Siblings, Keith angst, Korean Keith, Korean Keith (Voltron), Lance Angst, M/M, Mentioned Abuse, Modern AU, Nonbinary Pidge | Katie Holt, PINING KEITH, PTSD, Pining, Samoan Hunk (Voltron), Shiro PTSD, Social Anxiety, Suicide, Touch Starved Keith, Voltron, abused keith, angsty, anorexic allura, eventual nonbinary pidge, gender dysphoria pidge, generfluid pidge, keith kogane - Freeform, keith shirogane - Freeform, keith shirogane-kogane, klance, klance angst, lance cancer, lance mcclain - Freeform, not all wounds are visible, pidge adhd, pining lance, shallura - Freeform, touch starved, touch starved keith (voltron), vld
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-01-23 17:09:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 22,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12512196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/r4bb1th0le/pseuds/r4bb1th0le
Summary: Not all wounds are visible. Not everything that happens to a person can be seen from the outside. Somethings are physical, some are mental.This can't be truer for Keith.And Lance.And Hunk.And Pidge.And Shiro.Five beaten and broken kids. Kids that need each other. They all decide to go to a meeting at The Castle of Lions Coffee House for teens with illnesses. Everything from anxiety to cancer.And maybe the five of them can start to heal their invisible wounds.This story contains some very serious topics(see tags)!!! Please do not put yourself at risk by reading this!





	1. Keith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith has failed. He has failed his brother, his mother, his father. But most importantly, he failed himself. He failed to succeed at the one thing that he needed to not fuck up. And that failure hurts. So now he lies in a hospital bed, wishing he has never been born.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a Voltron: Legendary Defender Group Therapy AU. What that means is that basically, they all meet at this teenage therapy meeting, and become friends, I guess. They are all a little messed up, but that's okay and they are working on it. I honestly don’t know what is going to happen to this story, but we will see, I guess. It’s not very good, and I’m not sure how far I will get into it before either forgetting about it, or just dropping it, but oh well?
> 
> Warning! This story includes talks about depression, death, anxiety, PTSD, ADHD, Cancer, suicide, insomnia, and many other mental illnesses. Please do not put yourself at risk by reading this! Also mentions of blood, swearing, sex, and other things that teenagers would talk about. The story literally starts off with a failed suicide attempt and thoughts of suicide, so please stay safe!
> 
> Also! There are some things said by the characters that are not a good way of thinking, mental health wise. I do not enjoy writing these lines, I really don't. But they are necessary because that's what goes through your brain when you have depression and anxiety and all of the other mental illnesses that are present in this story.
> 
> I try to portray the mental illnesses as best I can, but I personally have only had to deal with depression and minor anxiety. So I apologize if I don’t portray them correctly. I’m doing a bunch of research, but if you find that something is wrong, please comment or something. But also keep in mind that everyone’s experience with mental illness is different.
> 
> I do not own the Voltron: Legendary Defenders characters!

Hospitals are always way too white. White walls, white sheets, white lights, white clothing. Everything is white and sterile. The color of sickness and medication. I hated hospitals. I have been in them too many times for a normal person, and I despised the blinding color. Black was much more suitable.

White is the color of life.

Black is the color of death.

I squinted at the white tiled ceiling above me and sighed. The light next to me was flickering. But it was white. White, white, white, white, white. Everything in this godforsaken place was white. I attempted to move the fingers in my right hand, but all I felt was the pain of my cuts and the stinging nothingness of my hand’s existence.

The tv in the corner was muted but still seemed so loud. The pictures and images flashing by. It was talking about some car crash or something. Or maybe it was a reality tv show. Whatever it was, I didn’t really care.

The doctor’s voice was distant behind the door. He was probably talking to my adopted parents. “ _He cut the tendon in his wrist… Should be fixable… Abusive behavior… kill himself… You need too…_ ”

A shiver went down my spine, and I wished I had my red jacket with me. I had grown used to its presence, using it to hide the scars littering my arms and sides. It protected me from the cruel thing called life. I closed my eyes and sighed, praying that I wouldn’t start crying. That would only make Yui, my adopted mother cry. Then her husband, Akio would start crying, and then Shiro would be Shiro and I just can’t handle that.

The Shirogane’s adopted me when I was 11. I didn’t feel welcomed at first, but Takashi, their son, made it a lot easier. But despite feeling like I had somewhat of a family again, I could never get rid of the empty feeling in my chest. There was something missing, and I couldn’t figure out what it was.

And it eventually got really bad.

I exhaled again, rubbing my thumb against my fingers in frustration. It was stupid of me to have gotten caught. _I should have made sure they were asleep. I should have made sure… I should have made sure I killed myself when I had the fucking chance._

_I should have fucking died._

_I want to die._

There was a light knock on the door, and I pondered whether I would answer it. But I couldn’t really trust my voice to make the correct sounds. The door inched open, and I was met with dark eyes peering through the crack. Eyes I recognized well.  _Shiro…_  Seeing I was awake, Shiro pushed the door open further. “Keith?”

“Hey, Takashi.” I croaked, smiling weakly. “Whats up?”

“Don’t even start.” He crossed his arms strictly, having to move his prosthetic one to finish the motion, reminding me of his dad a little bit, despite only being a few years older than me. He let his arm relax when he saw me frown and crossed the small room to sit next to me on the small, white hospital bed. I tried to scoot over, but I couldn’t really find the energy. I tried to use my hand to lift myself up, but I hissed in pain.

“Don’t move, you’re alright.” Shiro slowly wrapped an arm around my shoulder. He finished the motion when I nodded aproval. I felt the mattress sink under his weight. “God, you really scared me, kid.”

I noticed now that his eyes were lined with red. He had been crying.

_Because of you…_

Shiro had always been the handsome one. He was tall and muscular, a look that every woman on the street fell for instantly. He had a large pink scar across his nose and the hair at the beginning of his forehead was dyed white. He had been popular at school, everyone trying to get a piece of him in some way. But he didn’t enjoy that. Shiro wasn’t a fan of lots of people. He couldn’t stand being in a crowded space for more than a few minutes sometimes. He just got overwhelmed so quickly.

“I’m sorry.” I placed my numb hand on my lap, ignoring the pain, and wrapped my other arm around his waist slowly. He smiled sadly. “You cut a tendon in your wrist, Keith.”

Leaning against his shoulder, I closed my eyes. “I know,” I muttered softly.

“If something goes wrong during the surgery, you won’t be able to use that hand anymore.” He whispered. Shiro should know. He lost his whole arm. He knows that empty feeling of nothing being where something should be. Shiro knows it better than anyone else. He wasn’t looking at me. I could tell.

“It’s a good thing I’m ambidextrous, right Shiro?” I chuckled lightly. I just wanted to sleep forever. I didn’t want to have this conversation with him. With Shiro. He’s my brother. I didn’t want to hear the questions he was going to ask.

“This isn’t funny.”

“I’m sorry.”

Another sigh. He placed his chin on my head, stroking my neck. “No, I’m the one that should be sorry, Keith. I should have protected you. I should have tried harder.”

“It was my choice, Shiro. I can’t… I don’t….” I could feel the tears behind my eyes. I didn’t know how to finish my sentence. “I don’t want to be _here_ _anymore_.”

“I know, Keith. I know. I understand.” He smiled against my head. Shiro was one of the few people that I actually don't feel like clawing my skin off when he touches me. Not because I think other people are gross, it's because the sensation feels... strange. It seems to sting. Shiro says it's because I didn't get the attention I needed as a baby. I think it's because my body is fucking stupid. “I know everyone has been telling you this your entire life, and I know you don’t want to hear it anymore. But it will get better. It will get so much better. I can promise you, it will.” He looked like he was going to cry. _Again_.

I couldn’t answer. I just shook my head.

"They are putting you under a suicide watch for the next couple of days. Just in case-"

"In case I try to slit my fucking wrists again?" I scoffed.

Shiro looked away, sadness crossing his face. I regretted my comment instantly but didn't say anything else, waiting for Shiro to speak. After a long period of painful silence, he finally spoke. “Keith. I want you to do something for me. Can you try?”

“I… I guess…”

“Come to a meeting.”

“Shiro-”

“No, Keith, you need too. You need to talk to someone that is dealing with the same problems as you!” Shiro has been talking about going to a group therapy meeting for the past few months. With a bunch of other kids that were messed up too. He has been asking me to go to a meeting, claiming it will help to talk to other people my age.

“Plus you don’t have much of a choice. It’s either go to these meetings and see a professional twice a week, or you have to go to a-" he paused, "-a hospital.”

_A hospital? No… I can’t go there_ …

“I talk to you all the time!”

“Just… please?” His voice sounded small. “I’ll go with you. If you want.”

I hesitated at first. I didn’t want to talk to people about what is in my brain because it’s fucking messed up. I didn’t even know what was happening up there half the time. And besides, it’s no ones else business whats going on in my life. But I guess it’s better than going to a mental hospital. I sighed. “…fine.”

Shiro smiled. I wanted to smile back, but I couldn’t find the energy. “I have something for you. He pulled a brown paper bag out of his pocket. Whatever it was fit into his pocket pretty well, I hadn’t it noticed before. “I was going to give this to you in a few days, but I think it’s appropriate to give it to you now.” He handed it to me, and I took it slowly with my right hand. It was kind of heavy, but not really. Wooden, I think. I opened the paper bag and found a picture frame inside. “I had just gotten it from the frame place down the street when I got the call that-” He sucked in a breath. “Well, anyway. Happy Birthday, Keith.”

It was a picture. A picture of me and Shiro, when I had just been adopted by the Shiroganes. We were sitting on a bench in the part. The both of us smiling. I was missing a tooth, it had fallen out a few days before. Shiro wore a black beanie and his varsity football jacket. It was before he left for the military. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. I had realized that I didn’t only have a family again, but I had a brother too.

I felt my breath shudder as I exhaled, gripping the frame tightly. “Thank you,” I whispered, finally letting my tears fall. Wednesday, October 18th. Five days before my birthday, I tried to kill myself. And I failed.

After a while of quiet conversation and hugging, I drifted off to a warm arm wrapping around me. With the sound of voices out in the hallway. With the bright white lights streaming down on me, in the white room with the white floor and the white cloths. And with the beautiful blue wooden picture frame with veins of silver and gold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is going to be tough. There will be lots of ups and down and it's going to be crazy. Mental Illnesses are very important to know about, and if you do not know much about the symptoms and effects these illnesses can have on people, please go do some research! Find out! Become aware of these issues the best you can! They are real issues!
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	2. Pidge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidge is confused all the time. She-they-she... She? He? She. She didn't understand why she was the way she was. every noise distracted her. Every groan of furniture and squeak of shoe is a distraction, and it makes her itch in her own skin. ADHD was not something that Pidge enjoyed living with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! This story includes talks about depression, death, anxiety, PTSD, ADHD, Cancer, suicide, insomnia, and many other mental illnesses. Please do not put yourself at risk by reading this! Also mentions of blood, swearing, sex, and other things that teenagers would talk about.
> 
> Also! There are some things said by the characters that are not a good way of thinking, mental health wise. I do not enjoy writing these lines, I really don't. But they are necessary because that's what goes through your brain when you have depression and anxiety and all of the other mental illnesses that are present in this story.
> 
> I try to portray the mental illnesses as best I can, but I personally have only had to deal with depression and minor anxiety. So I apologize if I don’t portray them correctly. I’m doing a bunch of research, but if you find that something is wrong, please comment or something. But also keep in mind that everyone’s experience with mental illness is different.
> 
> ALSO! I'M REALLY SORRY I DIDN'T UPDATE SOONER! I HAVEN"T HAD POWER FOR THE LAST FEW DAYS!
> 
> I do not own the Voltron: Legendary Defenders characters!

I could remember the day that I cut my hair like it was yesterday. I stared in the mirror, holding the scissors and frowning at my appearance. Then I starting cutting it. I looked like my brother at the end of my mindless snipping, which satisfied my urge to cut all my hair off. I walked out of the bathroom and straight into the kitchen to get some water. My mom was making dinner and called me Matt. I looked up at her and said, “Katie, mom.” And her eyes widened.

But the name Katie didn’t seem to fit. It was… off. I thought back to this morning when my brother had ruffled my hair and smiled. _ “Morning Pidge.” _

I readjusted my glasses and frowned. _ “You know I hate it when you call me that.”  _ He had rolled his eyes and given me a sideways smile. _ “Whatever.” _

And then I said, “Actually, Pidge. I like Pidge better.”

She smiled at me and nodded her head. “Okay sweetheart. Whatever you feel most comfortable with.” My mother turned back to making dinner with a small smile and an exhaled sigh.

“Thanks, mom.”

Then I got my water and left.

It was simple. Most people are a lot more dramatic about it. Not in a bad way! Just, for most people, it’s a much bigger thing. But I decided that I just didn’t feel completely comfortable as “Katie.” I was still Katie, but I wasn’t.

That’s how it was. Nothing really changed, but at the same time, everything did.

And it was good.

It was good until I realized how bad my ADHD was acting up. Really bad. It was like I had a million tabs open in my brain, and I was trying to work on all of them at once. My brain was moving too fast for my body to keep up. I would stutter at every other word because my mouth couldn’t keep up with my brain.

“You are just  too smart for your own good, Pidge.” Matt would tell me when I was so overwhelmed I had to just lie down for a few hours. He would sit on the end of my bed and I would squeeze his hand. “You’re brain is working overtime to make sense of everything.”

“W-well my brain needs to-to fucking stop-p.” I had muttered, which Matt responded too by scolding me for my language.

Eventually, I got sick of it. I could never focus on anything except the fact that my brain wasn’t working right, and the meds weren’t helping. I became kind of introverted and stopped trying to make friends at school. I just tried my hardest to focus on school and get home. Every day was just trying to get back home. Back to sleep.

There was a loud bang, and I flinched. A fist had hit the locker just next to my head, drawing my attention to a tall blonde girl named Zoey, who had been torturing me since I skipped two grades in middle school and was still the smartest in my class. I wasn’t sure why she made fun of me, but she did. Maybe she was jealous? Maybe she just needed an outlet? I didn’t really care. It was fucking annoying.

“What the fuck do you want, Zoey.”

“Oh! Naughty words for such a little baby.” She snickered, glancing back at her minion friend, Mikayla. Mikayla swiped a piece of brown hair out of her face and smirked at me. I bared my teeth back at her, trying to seem as dangerous as possible. I may be short, but I’m pretty sure there is a rumor I’ve killed a man before, so I had that to my advantage, at least. I readjusted my glasses, smirking at her.

“And somehow, I still have a higher IQ than you.” I leaned up, getting in her face. I probably wasn’t helping the situation at all. But I wasn’t just going to let her push me around. I was going to stand up for myself any way I could.

“Shut up, bitch. You are just a stupid little girl.”

I growled and thought about throwing a fist into her noes. Maybe mess up those pretty white teeth too. But instead, I balled my hand and smiled. “Just leave me alone, you whore,” I spat, pushing her aside. I heard Zoey scoff, and I smirked, heading off for class.

I called my mom in the bathroom during lunch.

“Mom, is that meeting tonight?” I didn’t like the way that my voice echoed around the bathroom. Anyone outside could probably hear me. I almost missed my mother's response thinking about who could be hiding in the stalls.

_ “Yes, it is. Why? Did something happen?” _

“No, n-nothing happened, really. I-I-” Gather your words… think about it before you speak... “-just decided I wanna go, if it’s not too late? R-right? It’s not too late, I-I think.” I rambled a little bit, trying to collect my thoughts.

_ “It’s not too late. I’ll call right now.” _ There was a voice in the background.  _ “Your brother wants to talk to you.” _ and then the sound of the phone being handed off.

_ “Hey, Pidgey.” _

I frowned at the nickname. “Matt. You know I hate that.”

_ “Maybe that’s why I call you that. Ever think about that?”  _ He was taunting me, being an asshole big brother.

“Ah, so you are that rude.” I huffed, but I couldn’t help but smile. “W-wait! Aren’t you supposed-d to be at work?”

“ _ Nope, I have the day off. So you are going to that meeting tonight?” _

“Yeah. I think it will be good to-to maybe, I don’t know, meet some people or something. I think I need friends in real life. Not just online.” Plus I just really needed to find people in real life I could just talk too. People besides Matt.

_ “It’s always good to make real friends.” _ Matt was laughing at me, I could tell.

“I figured,” I answered bluntly.

_ “Do you want me to drive you there tonight?” _

“I-I…” I hesitated before answering. I didn’t see the point in saying no. “Sure.”

_ “Okay then. I’ll bring you out for some ice cream or something, then I’ll bring you over. Sound good?”  _

I smiled at the thought, despite it being October, and freezing outside with all the wind. “Yep. T-that sounds great.” I smiled, and leaned against the wall for a moment, closing my eyes. “Thanks, Matt.”

_ “You’re welcome, Pidgey. See you tonight!” _

“See you tonight.”

As I hit the  _ end call  _ button, the bell rang, signifying that my lunch was over. Back to boring class, where I already know everything. Good times.

In class, I started thinking about who would show up for the meeting tonight. Maybe we would all hit it off immediately? Maybe we will all become best friends forever? I even started imagining what these people looked like in my brain. A really tall guy with platinum blonde hair and an orange polka dot shirt. And he always wore these purple vans and a maroon beanie hat. His name started with an “R” and he smiled a lot, telling jokes that were really lame, but still made you smile. Maybe he actually had depression, and really struggled with a reason for getting up in the morning. And a tall Indian teen with a beautiful floral hijab and big brown eyes. And she was really struggling with her anxiety attacks. And a chubby black kid with red hair that stuck up in weird directions and made lots of weird faces at babies when the parents weren’t looking. And he had an eating disorder.

_ The possibilities were endless… _

“Katie? Katie, the bell rang, sweetie.” I shoot up, looking around a few times before spotting my teacher standing in front of me. She smiled sheepishly. “You zoned out, I guess. Sorry, I didn’t notice, I would have brought you back to reality.”

“Oh, no, i-it’s okay. Sorry I blacked out-t a little bit.” I smiled back, thanked her for class, and gathered my things to head home.

_ Meeting tonight... _ I thought to myself.  _ You got this… _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know a lot about ADHD, and I'm trying to do as much research as I need to figure this out, but my only experience with ADHD is reading Percy Jackson, so it's not a lot.
> 
> I'm trying? Is that a good enough excuse.
> 
> I updated really fast because I already had it written, and I really enjoyed reading the few comments I had. It's really great! Thank you!
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	3. Lance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance had bone cancer. Every day he survives is a success in his family's book, but he is getting tired. Tired of waking up to a throbbing leg and the thought that he was going to die. But he still does. He gets up, he gives everyone a fake smile, and he goes to school like a normal kid would. Because in the end, who doesn't just want to be normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! This story includes talks about depression, death, anxiety, PTSD, ADHD, Cancer, suicide, insomnia, and many other mental illnesses. Please do not put yourself at risk by reading this! Also mentions of blood, swearing, sex, and other things that teenagers would talk about.
> 
> Also! There are some things said by the characters that are not a good way of thinking, mental health wise. I do not enjoy writing these lines, I really don't. But they are necessary because that's what goes through your brain when you have depression and anxiety and all of the other mental illnesses that are present in this story.
> 
> I try to portray the mental illnesses as best I can, but I personally have only had to deal with depression and minor anxiety. So I apologize if I don’t portray them correctly. I’m doing a bunch of research, but if you find that something is wrong, please comment or something. But also keep in mind that everyone’s experience with mental illness is different.
> 
> I do not own the Voltron: Legendary Defenders characters!
> 
> SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG T UPDATE! I'M SO BAD AT THIS!

Every day is the same. I feel like I’m going to die.

But that’s the thing.

I am.

Cancer is a bitch.

I tried to ignore the people passing me in the hallways, bumping and pushing me to get to to fifth period before the bell rang. I contemplated on whether or not I should pull the cancer card and sleeping in the nurse's office for the rest of the day. But I pushed forward, dragging my heavy backpack and the dull, throbbing feeling in my leg as I made my way to the science wing.

People around me yelled and chatted, and everything was normal, from what I could tell. Loud, obnoxious, and slightly smelly, but normal enough. I sighed and readjusted my straps. I have a math test next period. And an essay due Tuesday. Damn.

I thought back to this morning when my mom was giving me a hug goodbye before school. She had smiled sadly and told me to be careful. She never seems happy when we talk about me anymore. Not because she doesn’t like me, no, she has made it very clear that she loves me with all of her heart. I just make her sad. That I have to deal with rare cancer that could basically kill me at any moment…

 _Stupid bone cancer…_ I thought to myself, wishing I had grabbed my crutches from the nurse's office when I was there for my medication. I sighed, and turned around to go back and get them before class starts in… I glanced at my phone. Two minutes. Great. Gonna be late, too.

Yep, definitely gonna have to pull the cancer card.

Then I remembered that tonight was my first meeting at _The Castle of Lions,_ a local coffee shop. Friday nights twice a month, there would be a meeting for teens and young adults struggling with illnesses. Both physical and mental. My mom found out about it and asked me to go. And I honestly can't say no to my mother.

But I was nervous.

Duh.

Who wouldn’t be nervous about got to talk about my feelings with a bunch of people I have never met before. My fucked up feelings.

_Yeah, why couldn’t you have just been normal? Why did your own body have to fuck it up?_

I shook my head and kept walking.

The nurse was nice enough, but I'm pretty sure she was just pitying me. I smiled at her as I entered her small office and grabbed my crutches. Horrible things. They attached to my arms, and I had too leaned on them. They would always make weird indents in my skin, and they never failed to fall at least once during class.

“Have a good day, Lance!” She called to me.

“You too!”

Lance McClain. The cancer kid.

The doctor told me when I was thirteen that my tibia, that long bone in my leg, had a tumor of sorts. They tried everything, but nothing really worked. I have less than a year before they decide to cut it off. Which I didn't really want. But who wants their leg cut off? I think they are just worried it will spread to my organs or something. But I honestly didn’t care at this point. Like, I don’t really want to die. But I didn’t care enough to stay alive anymore.

We’ll see, I guess.

As I made my way to Biology, I wondered who would be at that meeting. This was, apparently, the first meeting and there was only going to be, like, five people there. But it wasn’t for profit, or whatever. The guy running it, Coran, I guess his name is, owns the coffee shop. He talked to my mom already, and he said he wants it to be a comfortable environment that helps everyone just talk. I guess he has a degree or something. He seemed nice enough. He said his niece was going to be there or something like that.

I got to Bio a few minutes late, and waved to the teacher silently as he continued his lesson. Cancer kid gets excused every time. I placed my bag down on the floor next to my seat and leaned my crutches against the wall. Yay. Science.

I couldn’t help but get lost in thought as the teacher, Mr. Minutti, drowned on about atoms and elements. My mind wandered away from the classroom. I ended up thinking about how we found out I had cancer. How I woke up to my leg swelling up while I slept. The pain was pretty much unbearable, and I screamed. The doctors claimed there was no evidence of cancer before, but I couldn’t help but wonder if they were just too lazy to check. Maybe I would be living a normal life if the doctors had found it earlier. Or maybe there was nothing to find.

But what’s done is done. I will eventually either lose my leg, or die before they get the chance to cut it off. And I mean, hey, there has to be some advantages to not having a leg. Like, I don’t have to do gym, and I’ll get a cool seat to ride around in, and I won’t have to wait in lines.

 _I guess_ …

But I would be a much bigger burden on my family. I don’t want them to have to worry about me every hour of every day, like they already do.

The bell rang suddenly, and I looked up in surprise. “Wha-” I realized the rest of the class was already filling out of the classroom, leaving me sitting dazed in my seat. “Oh, shit…” I mumbled, scrambling to gather my things.

I went throughout the day, wondering how tonight would go. I ended up skipping seventh period and just hanging out with the nurse. Mrs. Deluca was nice enough. She was young and had just gotten married to a singer, I think. I went to one of his shows, he was pretty good. She always asked me to call her Rose, but that sounded too much like my mom's name and that was weird. Plus it was more respectful to call her Mrs. Deluca.

“How did you feel today, Lance?”

“Good, I guess. My leg started to really bug me, though.”

“On a scale of one to ten, how much did it hurt?”

“It wasn’t really like, hurt, it was a dull throbbing that was more annoying. You know when there is a high pitch noise, and you can’t seem to figure out how to stop it, so you have to deal with it? And it kinda hurts after a while, but there is nothing you can do. That's what it felt like.”

Mrs. Deluca just frowned and jotted down something on a sticky note.

When I got home, it seemed like the entire house was buzzing, which is normal. Mama was cooking to some music from the seventies, and my Papa was in the office, working to some traditional music. Sophie and Zach were arguing over the tv, and Mateo and Mia were running around the house, circling the stair as they waited for Diego to get home from work to bring them to their dance classes. Everything was loud, with lots of talking and music and noise. Lots and lots of noise.

But that's was what made it home.

I headed up to my room to do my homework, waving to Mama as I passed.

“Don’t forget you have that meeting tonight, mijo!”

“I didn’t, Mama!”

I sat at my desk, putting my feet up on my bed. I leaned my head back, staring up at the ceiling. My ceiling was covered in many different things. Most people will put their posters on the walls, but I liked to put mine on the ceiling. I liked looking at them at night. I had some posters for the dance company I use to be a part of, some tv shows and movies. Tsurroundingund space was covered in the little green glow stars you can get basically anywhere.

I pulled my textbook out, opening it to page 248. _Get this done, then the meeting is tonight. Easy peasy…_

Easy peasy my ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I don't know anything about having Cancer, thankfully, so this may be a little bit inaccurate.
> 
> BUT THANKS FOR READING!!!!


	4. Shiro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro is the big brother. He takes care of Keith, that's his job. He doesn't want Keith to have to relive his painful memories like Shiro does every time he closes his eyes. He doesn't want anyone to have to endure the pain he does when he tried to sleep at night. But at what point has Shiro stopped taking care of himself?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! This story includes talks about depression, death, anxiety, PTSD, ADHD, Cancer, suicide, insomnia, and many other mental illnesses. Please do not put yourself at risk by reading this! Also mentions of blood, swearing, sex, and other things that teenagers would talk about.
> 
> Also! There are some things said by the characters that are not a good way of thinking, mental health wise. I do not enjoy writing these lines, I really don't. But they are necessary because that's what goes through your brain when you have depression and anxiety and all of the other mental illnesses that are present in this story.
> 
> I try to portray the mental illnesses as best I can, but I personally have only had to deal with depression and minor anxiety. So I apologize if I don’t portray them correctly. I’m doing a bunch of research, but if you find that something is wrong, please comment or something. But also keep in mind that everyone’s experience with mental illness is different.
> 
> I have discovered that I am not great at writing Shiro...
> 
> I do not own the Voltron: Legendary Defenders characters!

The car ride home was horrible.

It took little over a week for Keith to be released. A week of worrying if my little brother was going to be okay. A week of trying to come up with some sort of excuse to stay after visiting hours. A week of Keith breaking down and crying. A week of Keith being angry at himself for failing.

And one more week Keith was _alive_.

That’s all I can ask for right now.

He had a big, clunky white thing on his wrist now. It was basically the same as a cast. He even let me sign it, despite thinking it was stupid. The little scribble of _Shiro_ sat near his thumb, along with _Mom_ and _Dad_ even though he doesn’t call them that. Black smudges against something too white. It almost matched his skin. He was too pale. His eyes sunken in his skull, and his arms covered in thin red and white lines.

I wanted to cry every time I looked at those stupid lines and that stupid cast. Because Keith didn’t deserve this. He should be happy. He should be happy with his life and his family and with himself. But that’s just not how his brain looked at it. He needed help.

We celebrated his birthday in the hospital. We brought him some of his favorite coconut milk ice cream (because he is lactose intolerant) and we sang him Happy Birthday and gave him some gifts. I got him _The Perks of Being a Wallflower._ I read that book a few years ago, and I really liked it. I think Keith would enjoy it too. I also got him a new drawing pad and some expensive colored pencils. When I handed him the colorful bag he frowned. “ _Shiro, you already got me something.”_

_“That wasn’t the entire present.”_

Then he smiled sadly and said; _“Thanks, Takashi.”_

Mom and Dad got him a new laptop. They had been talking about it for a while. It was a nice one, and it had one of those touch screens. Keith had been talking about it from the day it came out. He could use the touchscreen as a drawing tablet of sorts. He blabbered on about it for days. When he opened it, his eyes got really wide and he looked like he was going to cry. “ _No, I don’t deserve this. Please take it back.”_

_“Keith, baby. You deserve the world and more. I understand that you don’t believe that, but you do. We want you to have this._ ”

He shook his head. “ _I don’t… I don’t…”_

Later that day, we were all sitting around, talking about nothing, really. There was only about a half an hour left of visiting hours, and it was starting to get late. “ _You and Shiro can talk by yourselves for a little while, okay?”_ He nodded, and Mom kissed his forehead. Dad ruffled his hair, and they left.

_“I didn’t think I would make it to my seventeenth birthday.”_

Kids from his high school visited. They made him cards and gave him flowers and tried their best to cheer him up. But it was just the kids on his hockey and track teams, and those few kids that felt it was their duty to visit and be his friend. But none of them were really his friends. The only person Keith ever talked to and hung out with was me. And a few people online. But it was always easier to make friends online than it was in the real world. They judge you less online.

Keith would always try to smile, giving them a wave, showing the boys in the hockey team the scar. He would reassure them that he would be fine in time for the season, and they left. Simple as that.

The hospital he was in was good enough. One of the nurses who was working with Keith was a bit too nosy for my taste, and for Keith's too. He seemed to snarl every time she entered the room. They made him attend some motivational thing where some guy talked about his experience with bipolar disorder. Keith almost fell asleep. (I had to nudge him awake.)

But the week was up. We are finally bringing him home. I sat with Keith in the back seat. He leaned on my lap, eyes half closed. I had my arm wrapped around him, trying to think up a way to fix it. To fix anything and everything. Because my little brother was broken, and I just couldn’t deal with that. My mother was sitting in the passenger seat, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. My father gripped the wheel tightly, and his knuckles were beginning to turn white. It was too quiet.

I thought back to when they had told me about adopting Keith. I didn’t really care at first. I was fifteen at the time, and I was going to graduate in a few years and join the military. But when I met Keith for the first time, I couldn’t help but fall in love with the little eleven-year-old holding a tattered hippo stuffed animal and watching the floor. His hair was longish, and it hung down over his face. I remember how I had gotten down on one knee, and smiled at him. _“Hi, Keith._ ”

He didn’t say anything, simply kicking the air and huffing.

_“My name is Takashi. But you can call me Shiro. I’m going to be your big brother.”_

At that moment, he looked up at me, eyes wide. He looked scared.

That's when he looked up I noticed two things. One, his eyes were a dark violet. An extremely rare color, one I had never seen before. Not in real life. Two, he had a large scar on his neck. Like someone had taken a knife to his throat. I later found out that someone had actually taken a knife to his throat. His third foster father.

_“I’m going to take care of you. I’ll be your friend.”_

Keith's breath hitched as we went over a large bump, and I rubbed his back. “You can go to sleep if you want.”

He only nodded, closing his eyes all the way. I could see his scar now. The tattered skin connected by a thin white line. When I asked, the women at the foster place told us that the man hadn’t cut through his skin completely, but it did draw a lot of blood. “ _He is lucky to be alive, after that home. He was completely physically, verbally and emotionally abused there. I’m still so mad that they thought it was a good idea to put little Keith there. Both the husband and the wife had criminal records. But the poor boy hasn’t spoken since._ ” But that wasn’t the only thing she told us about the little black haired boy. His past was rough, and I didn’t like thinking about it too much. He didn’t deserve that.

_Hadn't spoken since…_ Keith did end up speaking again. But it took us a year to finally get him to trust us completely. I cried when I first heard him speak.

I thought back to when I had come home from my time in the army. I was so broken. I could barely get out of bed to use the bathroom. I wanted to die, but in a different way then Keith. Even moving sometimes was painful, and just another reminder. Another day, another memory.’

But I stayed strong, trying my best to stay well enough, taking care of myself, and trying to get Keith to open up about what was going on inside his head.

_“I’m fine, Shiro! And even if I wasn’t, I wouldn't tell you. You don’t need that stress right now!”_

_“Keith, the only thing I want right now is for you to be safe.”_

Thoughts of the war came back to me, and I flinched. Keith woke up at my sudden movement.

“Sorry, bud. Go back to sleep.”

_The bombs destroyed pieces of earth, and the bullets flying past my skull as I tried to drag my partner to safety. We are going to make it! I thought o myself, but the thought came too soon. The sound of metal clinking against metal filled my ears as I turned to find a grenade had landed next to me. I have to make a choice. Either leave my partner and run for it or try to get away with him and kill us both._

_I picked him up more and ran._

_The sound was defining. I had heard explosions before, but that was different than having one explode in your ear. My ears went from hearing everything to not being able to pick up any sound but the horrible echo of nothing and the ringing of the blast._

_The only thing I could feel was the burn of the flames across my body. That flash of light and heat took my partner and my arm. I passed out immediately and woke up who knows how much later, in the enemy's hands._

“Shit. Shiro, are you okay?” Keith had sat up, trying to get my attention. “Hey, you’re okay. You’re home.”

“Yeah, yeah. Sorry.”

“You’re okay.”

Mom looked at Keith from the rearview mirror. “Language, you man.”

Keith scoffed and readjusted himself next to me, leaning his head on my shoulder. I took his non-injured hand in my own. Whether it was for him or myself, it didn’t matter. We were going to be better. Both of us were messed up. We had both been to hell and back.

But I planned on making sure that Keith didn’t have to relive that hell that he went through like I do. _No_ . _Never again._

One day before we go to a group therapy meeting with a bunch of other teens just as messed up as the rest of us. One day before who knows what. One day. And it’s going to be one hell of a ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING! This chapter was more about Keith than Shiro, which I probably shouldn't have done, but OOOH WEEELLLL. I guess it fits in with Shiro's character and what his role in the story is if you didn't notice in the chapter summary...  
> And thank you for all the wonderful feedback on the Voltron Amino App, that is amazing(I'm under the same name there too!!!)


	5. Hunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hunk's whole world is like living inside a snow globe. Like everything was peaceful and fine, and some outside force suddenly shook the small glass orb, creating chaos. Nothing has been the same. Everything was too small or too hot and it was all too overwhelming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a Voltron: Legendary Defender Group Therapy AU. What that means is that basically, they all meet at this teenage therapy meeting, and become friends, I guess. They are all a little messed up, but that's okay and they are working on it. I honestly don’t know what is going to happen to this story, but we will see, I guess. It’s not very good, and I’m not sure how far I will get into it before either forgetting about it, or just dropping it, but oh well?
> 
> Warning! This story includes talks about depression, death, anxiety, PTSD, ADHD, Cancer, suicide, insomnia, and many other mental illnesses. Please do not put yourself at risk by reading this! Also mentions of blood, swearing, sex, and other things that teenagers would talk about. The story literally starts off with a failed suicide attempt and thoughts of suicide, so please stay safe!
> 
> Also! There are some things said by the characters that are not a good way of thinking, mental health wise. I do not enjoy writing these lines, I really don't. But they are necessary because that's what goes through your brain when you have depression and anxiety and all of the other mental illnesses that are present in this story.
> 
> I try to portray the mental illnesses as best I can, but I personally have only had to deal with depression and minor anxiety. So I apologize if I don’t portray them correctly. I’m doing a bunch of research, but if you find that something is wrong, please comment or something. But also keep in mind that everyone’s experience with mental illness is different.
> 
> I do not own the Voltron: Legendary Defenders characters!

The world is a scary place. That’s how it works. You go throughout your childhood believing that life is great, and you are always going to be so happy. That you will grow up with perfect parents and a perfect family, have the best of friends, graduate college and get a good job, and then eventually, I don’t know, travel the world or something.

Sometimes life is good. For some people. But sometimes it isn't. No. Most of the time it isn't.

I think the moment it dawned on me that life sucks was when my mom didn’t come home for Christmas. It was a punch in the stomach for me and my other mom. We tried to call her, but the connection was bad, and we never got a hold of her. But we sent her a present and pictures and letters. Just like we did every other day of the year.

And then we got the call that First Lieutenant Faith Garrett of the U.S. Air Force would not be coming home.

And nothing in life was ever really the same.

Because my mom had been military, the government took care of us a little bit. My mama started working a lot more and I would stay with my grandparents a lot more too. I don’t think it occurred to me that I was going to have to go throughout the rest of my life without my mom until a while later. It hit me like a hurricane. I saw a mother and father hugging their little girl, all three of them smiling and having a good time. And I realized I wasn’t going to have that anymore. It broke me.

I was diagnosed with chronic social and panic anxiety disorder. I ended up taking classes online and staying home. I would try to join clubs and things, but could never seem to participate. It was just too much and with my mama always working at the hospital, I just couldn’t cope sometimes. But she would take weekends off and help me with my homework. She tried. But she was working herself too hard as a coping mechanism. It was tearing us apart.

A little while later I got my service dog, Cooper. He is a bright yellow labradoodle mix. Smartest dog I have ever met, and very good at his job. He kinda keeps watch for me, looks for things that might set me off. Cooper makes sure I’m safe. Which is nice. I enjoy feeling safe.

The music playing from the little radio in our kitchen was soothing. It was playing softer songs. No harsh bass and offensive lyrics. Just a melody of sadness and sweet notes. My kind of music.

I turned away from the stove for a moment when I heard the sounds of keys turning the lock on our apartment door. “Hunk?” My mama called as she stuck her head in. I turned back to the stove, pushing the sausages around the pan as the oil simmered. “I’m home!” She sounded tired. She always sounds tired.

“Hey, Mama,” I called back. “How was your day?”

She threw the keys into a little bowl on the counter that was supposed to be used for fruit but instead used for keys and spare change. “Good. How was your day, baby? Did you finish your lessons?” As she passed the living room, she gave Cooper a pat on the head. He had fallen asleep on the couch.

“Yep. I’m just finishing up my history essay. I figured I would start dinner.”

“Oh, shoot!” My mom ran over to the fridge, pointing a finger at the calendar. “What day is it again?”

I furrowed my brow, trying to think. “I think it’s the 27th. Of October.”

“Oh! I was right!.” She stroked her hair, pushing any flyaways back against her skull. She always wore it up in a bun. Natural and out of the way.  _ “I don’t have time to fix it, Hunk. It’s much easier to keep it up, out of the way.”  _ She was still wearing her blue scrubs from the hospital, but she had kicked her sneakers off by the door. She wrapped her arm around me. My mom and I have pretty similar skin complexions. We were both have darker, caramel-y skin tones, showing off our heritage. Although they were different. She was African. I’m Somoan. At least, that’s what it says on my adoption papers. “You have that meeting tonight.”

“Yep. It starts at seven. We still have a half an hour before we have to leave.”

“Try not to freak yourself out about it. I was talking to the guy running it, Coran, and he said this one girl is really into science and stuff too. And there are a few other kids your age too.”

“I’ll be fine, mama.”

“I know you’ll be fine.” She hugged me. “What’s for dinner?”

“Breakfast!” I answered enthusiastically.

“Sounds great.”

I hadn't forgotten that I had the meeting tonight. I kind of just… pushed it into the back of my mind. I was really nervous. That's what social anxiety will do to you, I guess. Being around people, I couldn't help but think about anything and everything that they could say about me. All the names they could call me, or maybe even touch me, push me around.

And then I would probably start crying. Because I'm always crying.

_ Crybaby _ .

Yay.

“You are going to do so great, Hunk! Don’t be nervous.” My mama rubbed her arms up and down mine, and I let out a shaky laugh. Something in the back of my mind was tugging. Tugging on what, I’m not sure. It was a pressure in my whole body that I couldn’t stand.

“I hope so.”

“It’ll be fun! You can meet some new people, maybe makes some new friends, and talk to people about your feelings. I know how much you teenagers like to do that, right?” She laughed in my ear. I frowned, and she copied me. “I’m kidding.”

“Talking about feelings is okay, I suppose. I just don’t want anyone to- t-to make f-fun of me.” I finished the sausages and placed them on the place with the eggs and Eggos. I would have made waffles from scratch, but I hadn’t felt in the mood to do all the clean up afterward.

“Sweetheart, this is going to be a safe space. A place where everyone will be vulnerable. And if someone does choose to make fun of you, which they won’t, I know Coran will not tolerate it for a single moment.” I knew that. I knew that everything was going to be okay. Was going to be fine. I would have Cooper with me, and I only had to go to this one. See if I liked it. But everything seemed out of place. Just… wrong.

“W-why…” I asked quietly, not sure how to finish the question. I picked at the little scab I had on the back of my hand. I dropped my laptop and tried to catch it. Ended up knocking my hand off my dresser.

“Why what?” My mother took both places and brought them to the dinner table. Well, it was the counter separating the living room from the kitchen, but it was better than nothing.

I sat down next to her, slowly poking my eggs. “Why is Coran doing this? Why is he making this group?” Cooper trotted over under the table, placing his head on my lap. I not so sneakily feed him a piece of sausage.

“Well, first of all, he has a master's degree in child psychology and mental illness studies. And has an amazing understanding of the brain.”

“He owns a coffee shop.”

“And secondly,” She ignored my comment. “-his niece is dealing with many issues as well. He said he wanted to create a safe space for her too.”

“What’s her name?” I asked slowly, eating my sausages.

“Allura Altea, I believe.” My mama shoved a forkful of eggs into her mouth. “How are you this good at cooking? Where did you get this talent?”

I blushed. “Mama…”

“It’s true.” We ate in silence for a few minutes, only the sound of forks and plates clinking and the radio’s music humming softly in the corner of the kitchen. Some old song from the 80’s, I think.

“I’ve heard about her,” I said suddenly. “Her father died a couple years ago, I think.”

“Yes, well. Try not to bring it up, okay?” Mama finished her food and took her plate to the kitchen sink. I followed her quickly.

“I won’t.”

“Good.” She smiled again. “You ready to go?”

“I-” I exhaled. “I guess.” I grabbed Cooper's vest, signaling for him to come. Despite being a dog, and not being able to express emotions like humans, I could almost see him go into his “work” mode. Cooper has been my best friend these past few years. I don’t know what I would do without him. I gave him a pat and clipped his leash one.

My mom grabbed the keys from the bowl and checked her watch again. “Alright, let's get going.”

_ This should be good. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! Like I said before, I may not always portray what is happening to the character well, but I hope this was satisfactory? I have dealt with anxiety, and still am, but fortunately never on a large scale like Hunk's social anxiety. If there is anything you feel needs to be changed, please notify me.
> 
> Sorry it took so long to update. But I guess posting Hunks chapter the day his vlog was released is as good as any day to do so.
> 
> I POSTED THIS THE SAME DAY THAT HUNKS VLOG CAME OUT IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF! jk not really this is bad writing I'm sorry.
> 
> Happy Thanksgiving to all y'all Americans out there.


	6. Keith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith was not ready.  
> The meeting had been in the back of his mind for a little over a week now, and he hadn't thought much of it. Go, sit through others talking about their feelings for two hours, don't look too upset, for Shiro, and leave. Don't say anything that might reveal too many details. Don't say anything that will hurt others. Just keep it to himself.  
> He was ready for the meeting.  
> What he wasn't ready for was the cute Cuban boy sitting next to him, smiling like he was on the top of the world. What he wasn't ready for was the blushing mess he had become whenever he glanced over at him. What he wasn't ready for was the fact that this was a man making him think all these crazy things. What he wasn't ready for was a boy named Lance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: I did edit this chapter and change a few things!
> 
> This is a Voltron: Legendary Defender Group Therapy AU. What that means is that basically, they all meet at this teenage therapy meeting, and become friends, I guess. They are all a little messed up, but that's okay and they are working on it. I honestly don’t know what is going to happen to this story, but we will see, I guess. It’s not very good, and I’m not sure how far I will get into it before either forgetting about it, or just dropping it, but oh well?
> 
> Warning! This story includes talks about depression, death, anxiety, PTSD, ADHD, Cancer, suicide, insomnia, and many other mental illnesses. Please do not put yourself at risk by reading this! Also mentions of blood, swearing, sex, and other things that teenagers would talk about. The story literally starts off with a failed suicide attempt and thoughts of suicide, so please stay safe!
> 
> Also! There are some things said by the characters that are not a good way of thinking, mental health wise. I do not enjoy writing these lines, I really don't. But they are necessary because that's what goes through your brain when you have depression and anxiety and all of the other mental illnesses that are present in this story.
> 
> I try to portray the mental illnesses as best I can, but I personally have only had to deal with depression and minor anxiety. So I apologize if I don’t portray them correctly. I’m doing a bunch of research, but if you find that something is wrong, please comment or something. But also keep in mind that everyone’s experience with mental illness is different.
> 
> I do not own the Voltron: Legendary Defenders characters!

This meeting is going to be fucked up. I know it is.

I didn’t really think much of it during my time in the hospital. It was just a stupid meeting for a bunch of fucked up kids with fucked up brains and bodies that were being forced to come together by their fucked up parents and talk about how fucked up life is.

Sorry. I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.

As Shiro and I pulled into a parking space outside The Castle of Lions, I could feel my stomach drop. I started scratching at the scars on my arm and a way to distract myself from the feeling of my stomach twisting itself like the bow. My nails were short, but they skin still turned red and blotchy. I wished for my razor that Shiro had confiscated from my sock drawer. My one sense of control in this out of control universe.

Shiro made a sound that was a combination of a gasp and a scoff and grabbed my cast, pulling my hand away from my wrist. “Keith-” I flinched as he did. Even after living with Shiro for years now, I still flinched at sudden movement from anyone. I hated that I did it, but I also have no control over it. Add it to the damn list. Shiro sighed. “Sorry, kiddo, but you can’t do that.”

I searched for the right words. “It’s a distraction.” 

Shiro took my red wrist in his arm and massaged it lightly with his thumb. He use to do that when I was younger, before he left for the military. I would pinch the soft skin on my wrists, leaving mottled purple and blue marks. He would sit with me on his bed, turn Netflix on to some random comedy, and just rub my wrists. I remember him smiling at me and saying things like;  _ “You have an amazing life in front of you, especially with mom and dad as your new parents. We love you so much...” _

“From what?” After a few moments of silence, he let go of my arm and took the key out of the ignition.

Sometimes I wish it was still just bruises I was dealing with.

“I’m not sure.”

“You’re nervous. It’s okay to admit. But I’m going to be there the whole time, so you have nothing to be nervous about.” Shiro smiled at me. “Right?”

I just exhaled, and opened the car door, not bothering to see if any other cars were coming.  _ Right…  _

The cafe didn’t strike me as a coffee shop, really. Or, it didn’t look like Dunkin’ Donuts or Star Bucks or something. Its definitely a coffee  _ house _ . According to Shiro, it was a bakery and used book store as well. Teenagers and college students used it as a hangout to study off campus.

I pushed the door open with my uninjured arm and I realized why people liked it so much. It was warm, with the smell of fresh baked goods hanging in the air. There was a group of couches positioned in a circle in the center of the room, with a large coffee table in the middle. A multitude of wooden tables lined the walls, and I noticed a wall in the back covered with shelves of old books. The whole room felt welcoming, despite also making me feel very out of place.

Then I noticed there were three other people in the room.

A girl with long platinum blonde hair and dark chocolate skin sat on one of the bar seats. She was wearing high heels and pink pants, her thin fingers fumbling across the screen of her phone. She has a thin face with high cheekbones. She was talking to a tall redheaded man with a bright orange mustache matching the rest of his hair. He was very pale, but was smiling brightening and chatting very loudly with the girl.

Shiro leaned down to whisper something in my ear. “That’s Allura and Coran, I think.”

I made an “ooh” face, and looked to the third person.

His skin was dark, much darker than mine, and his brown hair was cut close to his scalp. He had a military style jacket and jeans with the cuffs rolled up. He looked relaxed, with his legs up on the table and his arms behind his head. A set of crutches leaning against the wall behind him, and I silently wondered why he needed them. Realizing someone had entered the room, he looked up at me and I saw his face.

His beautiful fucking face. 

He had a litter of freckles and a pointy nose. His face was long too, like the blonde women. He had bright blue eyes like the ocean. They seemed sad but also wondrous. Like he wanted to explore the world but didn’t have the energy. That is definitely something I can relate too. Wanting to see the world, but not really seeing the point. Not being able to find the energy.

I felt my face heat up, and prayed it wasn’t too noticeable. Except it was totally noticeable. Shiro nudged my arm and giggled at me. I just crossed my arms and frowned.

“Hey-” The boy began to lift his hand in a wave but he was interrupted by the mustache man known as Coran.

“Ah! Hello! You must be-” He looked down at his hand, maybe looking at something written on it. “-Tadashi and Heith?”

“Takashi and Keith, Coran.” The white hair girl, Allura spoke up. “Welcome to The Castle of Lions.”

“You can call me Shiro.” Shiro said with a smile, slowly taking his jacket off.

“Strange name, for a coffee place.” I mentioned, trying to tighten the black scarf around my neck, despite it being much warmer in here. I scanned Allura’s face, wondering why she was here. Shiro told me that he met Allura a little while ago, and that’s how he found out about these meetings. They ran into each other at the mall a little while ago. Like, literally ran into each other. Clothing everywhere, Shiro blushing like a crazy person trying to help her up and gather her things.

“My father named it. He said he didn’t want it to be an ordinary name, because kids don’t like ordinary anymore. I suppose that's true, because there are a lot more teens in here than adults.”

I nodded, my eyes flashing back to the boy sitting on the couch. He he readjusted himself back on the couch, back to glaring at his phone screen. I turned back to Shiro and saw he was motioning to the coat rack. I shook my head.

“Keith, you are going to die of heat stroke. At least take off that scarf.”

Instead of replying, I started scratching my wrist again, and again shook my head no. Shiro place his hand on my shoulder and slowly pried my hand off, trying to keep his movements slow and known. “Keith. No one is here to judge you. They don’t mind and you shouldn’t be nervous. Okay?”

“Yes!” Coran practically yelled from behind the counter, making me jump.  _ This guy is a physiatrist?  _ “This is a safe place!”

I don’t enjoy showing my neck in public, and even at home sometimes. It makes me feel very exposed and very unsafe. This was suppose to be a safe space and I wasn’t sure why I was acting like this. Maybe it was because I was nervous for the meeting. Maybe it was because of the jumpy man across the room shouting things left and right. Maybe it was the cute brown boy sitting five feet away from me. “I don’t feel safe, Shiro.” I sounded small. I sounded like a fucking weakling.

He frowned, but seemed to understand. “Okay.”

He lead me over to the couch where the boy was sitting, then told me he was going to get some coffee. I sat with my hands between my legs, the stupid cast looked fat and ugly compared to my other arm, which was thin and bony. But you couldn’t really tell with my jacket on.

“So…” The boy spoke, making me half jump.  _ Why are you so jumpy? Calm down.  _ “What are you in for?” He giggled a little at his own joke. He had a nice smile.

I smiled back for a small second, and then let my eyes drop. “Suicide,” I replied. “Tried to kill myself last week.” I held up my cast and made a slicing motion with my finger. 

“Ooh. Yikes. Sounds, uh, painful.”

I shrugged.

“Well, I have cancer, if you're interested in knowing.”

“Sounds painful.” I replied, copying his tone.

He chuckled.  _ Oh my god he’s adorable.  _ “Sometimes. It’s bone cancer, in my leg.” The boy pointed to crutches leaning against the wall. “Can’t walk without them sometimes. But they’re my girls. I don’t know what I would do without them.” He smiled again. He was a smiley person. Which can be good, I guess. If the smiles are real. “The names Lance, by the way.” he smirked and held out his hand, realized I couldn’t shake his with my left hand, he switched them. He blushed and I almost dropped dead right here. I could feel my own face warm up. Or maybe it was because it was starting to get hot in here.

“Keith-” I took his hand. They were warm. Or maybe my hands were just cold. “-but you probably already know that, after my little scene.” I could feel my cheeks flush. “The other guy I came with is my brother, Shiro.”

“It wasn’t a scene, not at all. You were just nervous about…” Lance paused, frowning. “Whatever it is that you were nervous about. You’re okay. I really doubt that your worries would actually come true, though. From what I can tell, Allura and Coran are cool. And I’m the best, obviously.” He pointed a finger under his chin and gave a smirk.

“I’m sure.” I said with a small laugh.

The little bell above the door rung as another person stepped in from the bone chilling wind. He was on the larger side, with a bright yellow sweater and a green winter vest. His skin was darker, like Lance’s, and his eyes were dark. A short golden retriever looking dog followed him closely, scouting out for danger. It’s vest was slightly croaked. Behind them came a tall black woman with her hair pulled up in a ponytail. The new kid shook nervously, and I wondered why he was here. He saw me and Lance looking at him, and his eyes grew wide. “N-nope. No-o, m-mama. T-take me hom-me.”

“Hunk, sweety, you need to go to at least one meeting. Just try it. You’ll be fine!” She was smiling really wide, and I didn’t think her lips could climb any farther up her face. She placed a hand on his shoulder, and the dog fit itself between their legs.

Before I knew what was happening, Lance had grabbed his crutches and was walking over to… Hunk? Weird name but okay. Lance was smiling and help out his hand. “Hunk, right? My name is Lance.”

Hunk took his hand gingerly, and smiled a little. “Hi…”

“You wanna come sit with me and Keith? Don’t worry about him. He may have a mullet, but he’s cool.” I tried to ignore the comment, and watched Hunk hug his mother goodbye and follow the tall boy. His dog followed, sniffing the wall as they passed. Lance was actually quite quick on those crutches, despite looking kinda painful. Hunk sat down on the other side of Lance, facing me, and I tried to smile at him. The dog hopped up next to him, and I couldn’t help but scoot away a little bit. Shiro came back with our coffee, and I took mine, thanking him.

Shiro placed his hand in mine for a moment, and I squeezed it thankfully. I took a sip of my coffee, black with one cream, and found that it burned my tongue and throat as I swallowed it. I ignored the burning feeling and kept drinking. Listening to Lance make conversation with a very nervous Hunk and watching Shiro check his phone, scrolling through Instagram. I saw that it was about 6:55. The actual meeting started soon, and there were only four, five if you counted Allura, of us.

_ And it’s gonna be fucked. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I CHANGED ITTTT! I'm sorry, but I edited the chapter, taking out all of the internal homophobic stuff. The poor baby is already dealing with enough shit. Thank you everyone for all the support I received, but I just wasn't happy with what I had, so I changed it a little bit. It isn't changed much, I just took out a few things. You can reread it if you want too.
> 
> Another thing to add; I know it seems a little bit out of character for Keith to be so jumpy, and I understand why someone might think that. And I just want to point out that, if you didn't realize, Keith has seen some shit in his life. He also does not have any of the experiences that VoltronLD Keith has i.e. flying a giant metal cat through space and slicing robots with a giant ass sword. SO yeah, he's gonna be a little jumpy, leave ma boy alone.  
> I'm sorry.  
> BUT THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING!!!


	7. Pidge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What can Pidge expect? Its a meeting for a bunch of kids with mental issues.  
> It was thrilling, in her head. She would get to see into these peoples lives, and it as going to be fun to talk about other people and what was happening in their lives.  
> But actually being there shows a whole other side of the story. The fact that these are real people with very real problems. One guy tried to slit his wrists less than two weeks ago. Another guy has chronic social anxiety thats so bad he has to have a service dog.  
> The realization that this is the real world sucks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a Voltron: Legendary Defender Group Therapy AU. What that means is that basically, they all meet at this teenage therapy meeting, and become friends, I guess. They are all a little messed up, but that's okay and they are working on it. I honestly don’t know what is going to happen to this story, but we will see, I guess. It’s not very good, and I’m not sure how far I will get into it before either forgetting about it, or just dropping it, but oh well?
> 
> Warning! This story includes talks about depression, death, anxiety, PTSD, ADHD, Cancer, suicide, insomnia, and many other mental illnesses. Please do not put yourself at risk by reading this! Also mentions of blood, swearing, sex, and other things that teenagers would talk about. The story literally starts off with a failed suicide attempt and thoughts of suicide, so please stay safe!
> 
> Also! There are some things said by the characters that are not a good way of thinking, mental health wise. I do not enjoy writing these lines, I really don't. But they are necessary because that's what goes through your brain when you have depression and anxiety and all of the other mental illnesses that are present in this story.
> 
> I try to portray the mental illnesses as best I can, but I personally have only had to deal with depression and minor anxiety. So I apologize if I don’t portray them correctly. I’m doing a bunch of research, but if you find that something is wrong, please comment or something. But also keep in mind that everyone’s experience with mental illness is different.
> 
> I do not own the Voltron: Legendary Defenders characters!

Matt pulled up a minute before seven.

“See! I told ya you wouldn’t be late!”

I just scoffed, gathered my limited things. My phone, earbuds in case I needed to calm down, keys and wallet. Matt did promise that he was going to pick me up, and the last two items were probably not necessary. But Matt also had the bad habit of losing his house key, and I’d rather not have to bang on my parents bedroom window. Again. “See you at nine!”

I responded by slamming the door and sticking my tongue out at him, turning towards the coffee house. It was squashed between two other shops, the red brick clashing with the gray sidewalk. A large sign with the words “The Castle of Lions” in red, blue, yellow, green, and purple buzzed and hissed as electricity passed through it. The lights inside were on, and I saw a black haired guy though one of the windows. When he turned to sit down on what I assumed was a couch, I saw a tuft of white hair sticking up above his forehead. He was smiling. Maybe everyone was nice, and would be smiling at me and everything would be fine.

I approached the door. Everything seemed to catch my eye. The flashing light of a cop car on the side of the road, a pebble I had accidentally kicked. My phone’s slick surface in my freezing hands. I shoved everything in the pocket of my pants and pushed the door open. There was an instant flush of heat warming my red cheeks, and everyone in the room turned to look at me.

A bigger guy with a service dog sitting next to him smiled at me for a millisecond before turning away. He looked nice. There were a few others in the room as well. A tall cuban boy with his legs resting on the coffee table, two asian guys, the one with the white hair and a long scar across his nose and one with a cast on his wrist. I took note of the fact that he hadn’t removed his coat and scarf, but his cheeks burned red with heat.

“Hello! You are just in time! Kathy!” A tall man had somehow materialized next to me. The first thing I noticed was that he was playing with his mustache. A bright, orange, handle bar mustache. He had a big, kooky smile that made me giggle.

“Uh, Katie. Well, I go by Pidge.”

“Man, there are some weird names here.” I heard the guy with the cast mutter. Then his eyes widened. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to say that out loud!”

I laughed again. “It’s a nickname my brother gave me. I know it’s weird.”

He didn’t look back up from his lap, nodding slightly. He was picking at his cast, obviously frustrated with its existence. I couldn’t help but wonder what he did to his wrist. _Maybe he broke it?_ He took a sip of his coffee, then seemed to bit his tongue. Maybe it was still hot.

“Don’t sweat it, your name is weird too!” The tall guy readjusted his ankles, obviously uncomfortable. The way he moved showed he was in pain. He made sure to lean over and maneuver his legs himself, whereas anyone else would have just moved their legs. He patted the boy's back a little bit too hard for it to be comfortable, causing him to flinch. “I mean, who even has the name Keith anymore?”

“Who even has the name Lance anymore?” Cast boy, Keith apparently, shot back.

“Hey-”

“Okay! We are going to stop before this gets out of hand and someone hurts another part of their body. We don’t need to be back at the hospital, please.” The older guy rested a protective arm around Keith. “I’m Shiro, by the way.” _Mom friend has been spotted._

“Hi.” I gave a little wave.

“And I’m Allura.” I turned to see a tall black women with long hair and a somber look on her face. She shoved her cellphone into her back pocket, and held out a hand. I took it, and watched my hand twitch in her own.

Allura held herself tall and straight, as though she has someone to impress at all times. She acted like she was a princess. I noticed how thin her wrists were as she lowered her arms to her side. Allura turned towards the orange guy. “Shall we start, Coran?”

 _So that's Coran…_ The redhead bounces up and down on his legs, waiting for everyone to get settled on the couches. Lance motioned for me to sit next to him and the larger kid, whose name I still didn’t know. I was about to poke him and ask when Coran spoke up again, making the Keith guy jump.

“Well, It’s seven o’clock! So I suppose this is everyone for now! I wanted to take a moment to go around and have everyone say their names, what they are here for, and…” Coran thought for a moment. “And one fun fact about you!” The service dog turned its head in surprise to how loud Coran was. I didn’t blame it.

I could almost sense the kid next to me internally screaming. He kept rubbing the palms of his hands against his pants and bouncing his knee. _Sweaty palms. I feel ya._

“Now! I’ll start! My name is Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe, I am here to guide all of you young people, and one fun fact about me is that I originally went to school for mechanical engineering, but switched to psychology!” Cool. “Alright, who’s next?”

No one raised their hand.

“Let’s go around the circle then! Allura, You are next!”

Allura sat up straight. Well, straighter than she had already been. “I'm Allura Altea. I’m here because of my eating disorders and insomnia, and a fun fact about me would be that I have met the Queen of England.” She went to push her hair behind her ear, and I noticed that her earrings traveled all the way up the side of her ear, meeting at a point at the top. Like elf ears. I’m sure if I tried to wear something like that I would look absolutely ridiculous, but she really pulled it off.

“Whoa, what?” Lance spoke up, but Coran hushed him.

“Tadashi’s turn.”

“Takashi, actually. Yeah. My name is Takashi Shirogane, I go by Shiro. I am here for my PTSD and to, you know, keep Keith company. A fun fact would be that I have a prosthetic arm.” It was then that I realized that the arm hanging by his side was limp. The fingers and palm were made out of metal. I was mad at myself for a moment for not realizing it, then told the little voice in the back of my head to shut up before it spoke. “You’re turn.” He nudged Keith.

“I'm Keith." He glanced at Shiro. "What should I say? I’m here cause I tried to kill myself less than two weeks ago. Chronic Depression.” He shrugged. Keith was very blunt about his situation, like he didn’t care. He probably didn’t. I couldn’t help but wonder what it was like to live with the idea that my life didn’t matter. The feeling of just wanting to die. All the time. I may have it rough sometimes, but I have too many ideas. Too many things I want to do. I could never think to kill myself. "I guess that's kind of implied though."

“And a fun fact?” Coran asked.

“Uh… I guess I was born in South Korea?”

“Very good, who’s next?”

“Oh! Me!” The kid next to me, Lance, was very enthusiastic, the exact opposite of Keith. “Whats up everyone! The name’s Lance-” He winked at Allura, and she scoffed. “-and I have bone cancer.”

I frowned at the way he was so calm about it. In Keith’s case, it was understandable. He never saw himself being saved, or he didn’t care enough to try. He was just tired of caring. It was in his head. But with Lance, there was always a small hope that he could be saved, because it was physical. There was hope that if his body just kept fighting, he could win the war. Yet he acted like he had already accepted death. He was just… fine with it.

“Osteosarcoma, to be exact. Mama felt that I needed a moral boost or something like that. And a fun fact about me is that I really like dance. Can’t do it anymore, duh, but I like watching it.” Lance leaned back farther in the couch. It made sense that his legs were propped up now. He grabbed his thigh and a look of annoyance passed over his face. “I’m sorry, do you have any Ibuprofen? I won’t do much, but It helps sometimes-”

Allura stood. “of course, I’ll get it.”

I watched Allura venture off to the back of the coffee house before turning back to the group, all eyes on me. “Oh, it’s my turn?”

Coran nodded, a wide smile dawning his face.

“Um, I’m Pidge. I have ADHD. And I skipped two grades in middle school. I should be a freshmen, but I’m a junior.” I paused to gather my thoughts. “And sometimes I can have a stutter cause my brain moves too fast for my, uh, my mouth.”

The boy next to me spoke up for the first time, causing me to whip my head around in surprise. Which probably made him uncomfortable. “I-it’s okay. I do to-too.”

I smiled at him, and he smiled shyly back.

Allura came back with the Ibuprofen. “Thanks, Princess.” Lance winked.

She just sighed again.

“Alright! Last but certainly not least! Your turn lad!”

The boy next to me frowned, then scooted a little closer to his service dog, despite it practically being on his lap already. “Hi. I'm H-Hunk. I have chronic…” he took a deep breath. “Chronic social and panic anxiety disorder. And this is my s-service dog, Cooper. I have him for moral support. Main-mainly.”

“Hello, Copper!” Coran cooed.

Everyone ignored the mispronounced name, accepting it as something that would occur quite often. Hunk smiled and looked the other way, giving Cooper a pat on the head. His hands were big, but the way he moved his fingers looked choreographed. Like he had a certain way of petting his dog.

“So next, I thought we would next do a bit about backstory. To get to know each other. Where are you from, who is your family, all that good stuff.” In the corner of my mind, I saw Keith physically flinch like Coran had slapped him. I was kinda afraid that Coran was going to accidentally hit him, the way his arms are flailing like that. “Then we can try and set some goals for ourselves. A mental checklist, I suppose.”

“Here! I’ll go first!” Coran readjusted himself in his seat, and I leaned back, preparing myself for a long story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like as I continue to write this my writing just gets worse and worse
> 
> I'M NOT WRITING IN THE SAME ORDER! Keith's and Pidge's just happen to the the two that a choose to write first!
> 
> PIDGE! SHE IS HEREEEE AND THE MEETING HAS STARTED!  
> I know, I'm sorry. I dragged his out wayyyyy too long and its only going to get worse I'm a terrible excuse for a writer.  
> ANywAY  
> I lazily incorporated a little bit of the Paladin vlog stuff, and there will be more in the future.  
> Sorry no sorry
> 
> ALSO! I'M STARTING AN ASK BLOG! YAYAYYAYA! YOU CAN FIND IT ON TUMBLR! https://notallwoundsarevisible.tumblr.com/ YAYAYAY! I haven't posted anything yet, but I will! Soon! I will also be posting the chapters there as well as here and on the Amino app! GO ASK YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTER SOME QUESTIONS!  
> Also, side note, I do run another blog on tumber, @h4m1lt0n, and I'm really bad at keeping up with asks so, you know, warning.


	8. Hunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hunk still isn't sure what to expect. These people are really nice and they are welcoming. Everyone seems so open about everything, and its a strange concept to Hunk.  
> Every person is a little odd, and Hunk can't help noticing the way that Keith picks at his cast and how Pidge gets flustered when she stumbles over her words.  
> Despite the bubbles of anxiety threatening to pop, he don't feel bad, not in the slightest.  
> Maybe he's glad that he didn't stay home?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! This story includes talks about depression, death, anxiety, PTSD, ADHD, Cancer, suicide, insomnia, and many other mental illnesses. Please do not put yourself at risk by reading this! Also mentions of blood, swearing, sex, and other things that teenagers would talk about.
> 
> Also! There are some things said by the characters that are not a good way of thinking, mental health wise. I do not enjoy writing these lines, I really don't. But they are necessary because that's what goes through your brain when you have depression and anxiety and all of the other mental illnesses that are present in this story.
> 
> I try to portray the mental illnesses as best I can, but I personally have only had to deal with depression and minor anxiety. So I apologize if I don’t portray them correctly. I’m doing a bunch of research, but if you find that something is wrong, please comment or something. But also keep in mind that everyone’s experience with mental illness is different.
> 
> I do not own the Voltron: Legendary Defenders characters!

At first I was a little annoyed with Coran talking so much, but it turns out he is actually kind of interesting. He has done everything from stand up comedy to hiked up Mount Everest. It took a little while just to get through the “short” version of his story. After checking my watch I found that it had barely been a forty-five minutes since the meeting had started. The girl with the glasses, Pidge, was on the edge on her seat, and Keith looked like he wanted to leave. He talked about going to college in Scotland and how he has always wanted to be a professor. But it seemed like he wanted to do everything.

I think Coran really expects us to keep coming back. He was getting wordy because he wants us to be wordy. He’s getting personal because he wants us to be personal.

The question is whether or not we will.

“But enough about me, who wants to go next?”

Silence.

“No one?”

Silence.

“Come on, everyone! You are here to talk! Feel!”

Someone to my left sighed. Shiro shifted, taking his arm away from Keith. He had been allowing Keith to lean on him for a while now. I wondered what their relationship was. They had too much of an age difference to be together, and their body language didn’t say that anyway. But Shiro was obviously very protective of Keith. Maybe he was an uncle or a brother to Keith. The possibility of father ran through my head, but I scraped it after point out to myself that this meeting was for teens and young adults. He was too young, even if Shiro did adopt Keith.

Shiro intrigued me. When I had first walked in, he was standing at the counter, waiting for his coffee. They way he stood, tall with his head held high, it reminded me of… of my mom. They way he stands, military. He must have been in the army for a little while or something. Despite looking very serious, when I watched him interact with Keith, who was very serious and angry, his entire military demeanor melted away. Again, just like my mother. The little pang near my heart made me shiver.

“Well, I guess I’ll go.” Coran nodded at Shiro, dark eyes flashing brightly. “My parents are both from Japan. They immigrated to the U.S. a year before I was born. They are legal now and everything. I had a pretty average childhood. I mean, I was on the baseball team. I was a good student, and I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to join the army. When I was sixteen, we adopted Keith. We became inseparable. But I’ll let Keith tell you about that later.”

Brothers. Duh.

“I’m not going to talk about what happened, cause, you know. PTSD. I was in the army for a little bit, and came back, uh… Well, last year.”

He paused, and Coran seemed to be on the edge of his seat. Or maybe Coran was just being very enthusiastic about everything. Yeah, probably the latter. Keith leaned on him again.

“I… yeah. That’s all I’m going to say.”

His face was grim. I couldn’t even imagine what it would be like to join the army. Knowing that you could die. The ideas of the horrors he must have seen and experienced make me wince. I use to tell my mom, when I was younger, that I wanted to join the army just like her. She would always laugh as tell me that I could be anything I wanted to be. I know now that she didn’t want to going off to war, that anything was better than that. But I don’t think she took it very seriously either, because I would tell my mama that I wanted to be a doctor just like her the next morning. 

“Thank you, Shiro.” Coran said. “Who would like to go next?”

“I’ll go.” I exclaimed suddenly.

All eyes were on me.

_ Why the hell did I just volunteer? _

“Okay, Hunk! Go ahead.”

I sputtered, not sure what to say. “Um… My moms adopted me when I was one. I’m originally from Samoa. I was diagnosed with an… with anxiety after my mom died. She was, uh, she was in the military,” I glanced at Shiro. “Like you.” I ignored the bubble of anxiety threatening to pop in my stomach, forcing myself to keep a straight face.

“I’m sure she was very brave.” Shiro commented quietly.

“She was amazing.” I replied. I hover my hands between my thighs, and Cooper readjusted himself on my lap. “I’m homeschooled now. I-I take most of my classes online, and my mama is a nurse. She works-works at the local hospital. Other than that, I don’t have much to say. I like to cook. And I like building things. I took apart the tv when I was 12, and I was able to put it back together. So that-that’s kinda c-cool. I guess.”

“Really?” Pidge looked up suddenly, smiling wide.

“Oh yeah, I love them.” I smiled. Maybe I could make a few friends here. Pidge seemed really cool. When she had sat next to me I got really nervous for no reason in particular. All I could think was all the horrible things she is probably thinking about me. Every nasty word rolling off her tongue when I do or say something wrong. But no. She smiled kindly at me and listened without getting frustrated when I talked, even though I was stuttering quite a bit. Pidge got distracted easily, that was obvious, but she tried to pay attention, she really did. “I have always wanted to be an engineer.”

Pidge smiled, looking very excited to find someone who liked the same kind of things she did. She bounced in her seat, giving me a look saying,  _ this conversation isn’t over. _

“Okay, next-” Coran scanned our faces, and I could almost see Keith shrink under his view. 

“Uh, I guess I’ll go?” Pidge said with a small smile. A soft blush flushed her cheeks. “My story isn’t very interesting. I’m 14, but I’m a junior in high school. I skipped two grades. Uh… I have an older brother, Matt, and he’s in college right now. Well, not right now right now, he actually was the one that dropped me off, but he drove down for the weekend to visit me and my parents and stuff. I, uh… sorry, anyway-” Coran motioned for her to keep talking. “-I was diagnosed with ADHD pretty early, I was… eight, I think. And, you know, it was tough. Obviously I don’t have a tragic backstory that triggered my mental illness or whatever, because I know that sometimes mental illnesses just, happen. And that's okay. And I’m still valud and all that shi-stuff.” She shrugged. “But it's still hard. Knowing that I’m not normal. That I’m messed up. Plus I’ve been having some difficulty with my, uh, my gender for a little while now. I just cut all my hair off a little while ago, to look less feminine. I’m not sure what I’m going to do in the future. But for now I’m just Pidge.”

“Very good, who’s next.” Again, his eyes passed over Keith, and he looked like he wanted to dissolve into the couch cushions forever. “Lance? What about you?”

“Well, my father immigrated from Cuba, and my mom is from New Jersey. I have four siblings, five if you include Sara, my brothers wife. They have two kids, Mia and Mateo. I live them to bits. Anyway, like I said before, I did dance for almost eight years before I was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma. I did chemo for a while, and the tumor did get a little smaller, and the doctors think they slowed the process down, for now. But I’m scheduled to have my leg amputated, uh… well, soon.”

Allura fowned and looked away.

“It’s not that bad, once you get use to it, missing a limb. I mean, I’m sure missing a leg is a little different than missing an arm, but it’s the same concept.” Shiro said with a small smile, and Keith scoffed. “Hey, you don’t have a say in this. You are so lucking you still have that hand.” Shiro muttered roughly towards Keith's sound. He just crossed his arms. It was like watching a mother and her uncooperative son at a family gathering or something.

“Thanks Shiro. It probably won't be too bad, but you know…” Lance smiled. “Other than that, I’m not very exciting. I play guitar sometimes. And I like to sing, although I’m not very good.”

“Alright, thank you, Lance. And I hope you well for your future medical procedures and appointments.”

“Thanks, Corna.”

“Who’s next?” There were only two people who hadn’t gone. Allura and Keith. Keith had been doing his best to avoid talking about himself, shrinking under Corans gaze and looking at the ground. Allura shrugged her shoulders, and lifted her hand slightly, signalling that she was going next.

“I was born in London, England and I was raised by my father. My mother passed away soon after my birth, so I never knew her. My father, Alfor Altea, owned a large tech company for almost two decades, but there was a lawsuit with another company that forced him to sell. We moved to America from the UK when I was 12, coming here for a fresh start. And we got one. My father brought this coffee house, and I finished my schooling. Everything was pretty good, for a while. Coran came to live with us a few years later, when my father was,” She straightened her blouse. “When he was diagnosed with leukemia. He fought long and hard, but he lost his battle when I was 19.” Allura smiled, but it was obvious she was actually trying to hide the pained expression that had flooded her face.

“I was completely lost after. I still am, I suppose. My father was the one thing in my life that stayed the same. That always made sense. I stopped eating, and rarely slept. I rarely sleep now. I have eating disorders and deal with insomnia on a daily basis. I can’t remember life without not knowing hunger, and that… empty feeling. My entire body is trying to kill itself-”

When Allura moved her eyes away from the floor, I expected them to fall on Coran. He was her safely blanket in this situation. Her familiar thing. But to my suprise, her stare fell on Keith. She looked at him with eyes full of sadness as she studied his face. As I watched the small interaction, I noticed that Keith hadn’t noticed her gaze fall to him. He was clawing at the cast on his wrist, carving squiggles and words with his finger nails.

“-and I fear I am letting it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Allura’s #tragicbackstory is here!
> 
> This is a day late, but i think it was worth the wait, the ending is my favorite thing ever right now, oh my god.  
> Thank you for all of the amazing support from everyone you are all amazing!  
> It keeps getting harder and harder to write the chapter descriptions because they are suppose to be deep and I suck at that. Bleh.


	9. Shiro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro doesn't get angry very often. He is always the level headed one. But sometimes his emotions get the best of him. Shiro can't help but feel so angry at the world. He can't help but feel angry at Keith. But he never shows it. Keith needs him. He needs someone to help him understand and take on the world again. Even if it means deciding to to peruse the cute platinum blonde girl sitting next to him right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a Voltron: Legendary Defender Group Therapy AU. What that means is that basically, they all meet at this teenage therapy meeting, and become friends, I guess. They are all a little messed up, but that's okay and they are working on it. I honestly don’t know what is going to happen to this story, but we will see, I guess. It’s not very good, and I’m not sure how far I will get into it before either forgetting about it, or just dropping it, but oh well?
> 
> Warning! This story includes talks about depression, death, anxiety, PTSD, ADHD, Cancer, suicide, insomnia, and many other mental illnesses. Please do not put yourself at risk by reading this! Also mentions of blood, swearing, sex, and other things that teenagers would talk about. The story literally starts off with a failed suicide attempt and thoughts of suicide, so please stay safe!
> 
> Also! There are some things said by the characters that are not a good way of thinking, mental health wise. I do not enjoy writing these lines, I really don't. But they are necessary because that's what goes through your brain when you have depression and anxiety and all of the other mental illnesses that are present in this story.
> 
> I try to portray the mental illnesses as best I can, but I personally have only had to deal with depression and minor anxiety. So I apologize if I don’t portray them correctly. I’m doing a bunch of research, but if you find that something is wrong, please comment or something. But also keep in mind that everyone’s experience with mental illness is different.
> 
> I do not own the Voltron: Legendary Defenders characters!

I can’t help but wonder what Keith is thinking right now. Mom always say I worry about him way too much. “ _ Maybe you should try and focus on being a young adult. I’m not saying go out and get wasted, but go out and get wasted.”  _ I always just shake my head at her, and try to think up an excuse this time. “ _ Akio, go have fun! Meet people! Live your life! You are young!”  _ She had a heavy accent when she spoke still, despite living in America for more than 22 years now. 

And I just sighed, smiled and told her; “ _ Mama, Keith needs me. He may not want to admit it, but he does. And I’m going to do everything I can to make sure he is okay.” _

And she smiled. She always just smiled.

But now I had no clue what to do.

He was slouched over himself, hands pressed together harshly. His knuckles were white. Everyone had spoken except him, and I knew he didn’t want to talk about his past. He was either going to say something to get himself out of it, leave, or just be really, really brief about everything.

“Keith, you're the last one. You ready?”

“Uh… Coran? Do I have too?”

“Everyone else did it, Lad. It’s only right that you do.”

Keith’s eyebrows were knitted together. “I’d rather not.”

“Just something small?” Coran pauses for a moment thinking. “You said you were born in South Korea, why don’t you explain that a little bit?”

Keith continued to stare at the floor. I watched his back for a moment, his rib cage rising and falling visible even through the jacket he wore. That stupid red one he always wears. I hate it. Not because it looks bad, he looks fine wearing it. I just hate that the only reason he started wearing it was to cover the white scars traveling up and down his arms.

Of course, that’s the reason I wore my long sleeves, but the scars are there for a completely different reason.

“Well… I never knew my parents. All I know is that the hospital I was born in sent me to the orphanage two weeks later. They gave no indication to what happened to my parents. Just a name.” He was kneading his fingers together with frustration. “Kwan Kogane. It means strength in Korean. Uh, anyway. The doctors say that I didn’t get enough stimulation, as a baby. Like, I didn’t have anyone to hold me when I cried, stuff like that. So they say that’s why I have a lot of, uh, mental issues. I also really don’t like to be touched, my skin is really sensitive. Sometimes.”

Lance frowned. “Sorry.” He muttered. I thought back to when he had clapped Keith on the back with a laugh, causing him to jump.

“It’s okay.” Keith continued to frown, tugging at his thumb. “Anyway, I was shipped off to America when I was about one, that's when I changed my name to Keith, and then floated around in the foster system for a little while. And eventually I got to Shiro and his family. And they became my first permanent family. And now I’m Keith Shirogane-Kogane.”

“Very good, Keith. Would you mind saying when your depression started? When it was diagnosed?” Coran asked, and I silently wished he would stop asking questions. I know that that’s his job. To ask questions and get us to share stuff, but Keith was obviously stressed. Or maybe it was just obvious to me.

“Well, I was diagnosed when I was thirteen, which was, well, you know. I was getting the help I needed, and that’s good. But I really didn’t see the point of trying anymore. I started… uh…” Keith shifted uncomfortably, then removed his jacket. Keith was wearing a long sleeved back shirt, and he pushed the sleeve up on one of his arms, revealing the scarred tissue on his wrists. His scars were prominent against his skin, which was red from the heat of his jacket. I looked away. “I started cutting when I was twelve. And it got pretty bad when Shiro, uh… yeah. I’m sorry, I’m done.”

“Alright. Nice job my boy.”

Keith turned to me and frowned. “Nice job.” I muttered. “You did good.” He pulled his sleeve back down, rubbing the skin through the cloth. 

“I… I need some air. I’m going to step out for a minute.”

“What-” Coran started, but Keith was already halfway out the door.

I froze for a second, then rushed to grab his jacket, which he had left behind. “Sorry, I should follow him. He is still suicidal. He probably shouldn’t be out of the hospital yet.” I ran out after him before anyone else could react. I had to run to catch up with him, he was walking down the side of the road, arms crossed angry. I tried to hand him his jacket, but he pushed it away. The cold nipped at my neck as I realized that I had forgotten my own. A car passed. I grabbed his arm as another zoomed by. It was a pretty busy street and I couldn’t help but picture Keith jumping in front of one of those cars. I didn’t want to think about it.

“I’m not going to jump in front of the damn car, if that's what your worried about. Maybe I would if I was alone, but not with you here.” He tried to pull his arm from my grip, but I held fast. No way in hell was I letting go of him right now.

“But you would do it. And that’s exactly what I’m worried about.” 

I felt my stomach churn as Keith scowled at me. “You don’t need to fucking worry about me, Shiro!” He managed to wiggle his arm free. “You have enough shit to deal with!”

I wish I could say I was upset, sad with the way that Keith was acting. But I was mad. I was so mad that he couldn’t realize how much he mattered. “Keith, the only thing I worry about is you! I know your brain is derailing! I understand that! But you are the only thing keeping mind from doing the same damn thing right now!”

I sighed, watching the anger and panic shown on his face melt, then took hold of his arm again. He didn’t struggle. “Just take a breath. Take a moment to think of nothing. Then we are going to go back inside and finishing that meeting, Those are good people, nice people. Coran looks like he really wants to help people. Lance wants to be your friend. Hunk and Pidge were listening to what you were saying. And I want you alive, goddamnit. I know, I know that you are really struggling. I know that you can’t get out of bed most days. I understand. I really do. But the only reason  _ I _ get out of bed is because of you.”

“Okay, okay…” Keith took a deep breath.

“And, hey. Patience yields focus. As long as you are patience with yourself, you will figure everything out. We both will. I promise you that.”

“I’m good. Let’s go back in.” He turned around, making his way down the sidewalk again. He kicked a rock.

“And Keith-” He stopped and looked up at me. I wish I could say I didn’t see that scared little boy all those years ago, but I saw him all too clearly. “I love you.” I pulled him in for a side hug, and he recuperated, smiling a little bit.

When we made it back, Coran was holding a beach ball, and everyone else was standing in a circle, alside from Lance, who was sitting. Against his own will by the looks of it. He smiled and motioned to the ball in his hand. “Oh, good! You’re back! We were just about to start a game, another little ice breaker! You through the beach ball to each other and answer the question that lands in front of you!”

Keith nodded, standing in the empty place next to Lance. I watched Lance smile at him, but Keith wasn’t looking.

“Alright! I’ll throw the ball first! Pidge-” He tossed the ball lightly. “-You answer a question!”

The beach ball landed in her hand. “Uh, Fill in the blank. When I dance I look like…” Pidge laughed. “A gremlin!”

Everyone joined in. Maybe this wasn’t so bad.

“Allura!” Pidge called, tossing the ball her way. She caught it with ease, despite Pidge’s throw being a little wild. “If you could be any animal, what would you be? I would be something cool, like a white fox.” Allura flashed a smile, and I could feel the warmth flush my cheeks. Goddamn she is cute… But I didn’t have time for girls. Dating. I have other things to worry about. The ball was tossed to each person, then around again. I got asked what the biggest advantage of being tall was. My answer was be able to intimidate people if I needed too.

We played a few more ice breakers. Passing rolls of toilet paper around and talking about our funniest childhood moments. I kept glancing over at Keith. I caught him watching Lance a few times, who had been giggling and making jokes for a little while now. Lance had announced that we were all his new best friends, and we better give him our phone numbers. We all complied, passing his phone around.

“Nice. I’ll make a group chat or something.” Lance smirked, shooting a finger guns towards Allura. “I’ll make a seperate chat for the two of us.” Then he winked. Everyone groaned.

“Knock it off Lance.” Keith growled, shoving his arm a little. “Leave her alone.”

“She’ll warm up to me. No one can resist Loverboy Lance.” Another wink.

“Somehow, I doubt it.”

Lance was about to fire another comment back, when Coran suddenly stood. “My word! It’s already ten past nine! Looks like our first meeting is already over! Now, before we leave, I wanted to ask everyone when they wanted to meet again. We could do another meeting next week, or wait two weeks.”

“I think two weeks. At least, for another meeting.” Lance spoke. “But, uh… some of us could hang out before that?”

Hunk nodded, and Pidge smiled.

“So, in two weeks?” Allura asked.

“All in favor?” Coran’s arm shot up. 

Keith shrugged and raised his cast. I did the same, followed by the others.

“Well, see you all soon, hopefully! Come back and buy some coffee or baked goods! I’ll give you ten percent off! And everyone stay safe!” Then he walked off into the back room, disappearing.

“Well, yes. Thank you all for coming! We hope to see you next time, then.” Allura smiled. We all stood, gathering our things. I followed Keith out after getting Allura’s number, watching the short boy sway in front of me. I took a few larger steps to catch up with him.

“So? That wasn’t so bad, right?” I finished typing a text to my mom before searching for my car keys. I unlocked the car, making my way around the front to get in. 

Keith sighed. “I guess.”

“Did you like some of the other kids, at least? Lance seemed nice.”

“Lance is kind of an asshole.”

“A nice asshole.”

“Sure.”

I smiled. “I love you.”

Keith let out a shaky laugh. “You know, normal siblings don’t usually say that to their fucked up younger brothers.”

“I don’t think we are normal siblings.”

“I love you too, asshat.” He punched my arm lightly as I pulled out of the small parking space, and leaned his head against the window. “And don’t think I didn’t see you getting Allura’s number before we left.”

“Ugh, shut up.”

He chuckled, running a finger down the condensation that had collected in the glass.

“Hey, you get that stupid cast thingy off tomorrow.”

“Yeah, but I still have to like, not do anything with my arm. At all.”

“But at least you will have it off. I know how much you hate it.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t hate it that much.”

I glanced over, and realized her was running his thumb over a new name added on the white mold. The name  _ Lance _ was scribbled in blue pen.

“I told you Lance was being friendly.”

“Shut up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIRST OF ALL! Sorry I'm a little late. I suck at this.
> 
> Second of all! This is kind of just a filler chapter, but I think its cute.
> 
> THIRDDDD! AND PROBABLY THE MOST IMPORTANT! SHIRO AND KEITH'S RELATIONSHIP IS VERY STRICTLY PLATONIC! I personally really don't like Sheith, at all. They do love each other. But AS BROTHERS! It does sort of make it seem like there might be some underlying relationship or something, but I swear to the holy mother Mary, that is not in anyway what is happening. Ugh. No.  
> I'm trying to show how much Shiro cares and worries about Keith. (Also, I'm going to add something about this at the end of these chapter notes, but it does kind of spoil what I plan on doing with the characters and stuff. Idk.)  
> Fourth, Akio(Said by shiro's mom at the very beginning) means son or child or baby or something in Japanese, I think? I just did a little google search a while ago, and i can't remember what the translation was and google just isn't working with me, so I gave up. if you know, or have a better translation thingy, please leave a comment!
> 
> As for Keiths name! I have been thinking about that for a while now. For starters! His full, american name is Keith Shirogane-Kogane. But he just goes by Keith Kogane. His birth name is Kwan Kogane. Now, Kwan sounds kind of silly, especially to an american ear, but I have contemplated this a lot, and will probably dive further into it later. But I mainly choose that name because it means Strength in Korean, and I felt like that was really important.
> 
> And fifth, one of the reasons I posted this so late is because I have been debating a lot in ma brain about Keith and Lance's relationship. Lance seems to really like him when they first meet in Keiths chapter. He doesn't push him or force him to be uncomfortable. I was originally going to have Keith storm out because of Lance pushing his buttons or invading his space or something. but I just couldn't figure it out. SO! I just decided Keith needed a breath. But I hope to find a way to incorporate their little one sided rivalry. 
> 
> I don't know if you guys have noticed, but this story seems to be a little bit more about Keith than anyone else. I RECOGNIZE THAT AND IM SORRY! THATS MY FAULT! I love Keith, a little too much for it to be healthy. And I wrote this thingy kind of revolving around him, because he is the character I feel the closest connection with, and he is the easiest to write. I know that a lot of you came for the other characters too, and I'm sorry if it seems like Keith is hogging the spot light a little bit. I'll try and tone it down. 
> 
> And, yes. Shallura. Now, I'm still not sure how I feel about Shallura since she was reveled to be like, 16 or something in the show. Like, seeing them onscreen together, stomach never flipped at the thought of them dating or whatever(like it did Keith and Lance). And I did age her up, in this. And Shiro is also younger. Both are twenty one. So, i mean, it could happen, but I have other things I want to happen before Shallura anyway.  
> But don't loose hope... 
> 
> Anyway, Thank you for reading!!!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!
> 
> Okay, back to that side note about Shiro, (WARNING! THIS WILL KIND OF CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR THE CHARACTER ARCS! I kind of doubt anyone will read this, but I need to rant about it a little bit.) I don't know if you noticed, but the first five chapters have very deep and meaningful. Those are the character arcs! I said them right out front! Thats kind of why those chapter descriptions don't exactly fit. This chapter shows Shiro putting his own personal wants and needs aside, because he feels he has to focus more on Keith and his needs. He wants to make sure Keith gets better before he can have any time to himself. So yeh. I thought that was kind of cool. I didn't even realize it until I was about halfway done this chapter.


	10. Lance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance liked them. They were all really nice, even though Hunk didn't talk very much and Pidge had trouble focusing on what was being said and Allura was very professional and Keith was sad about everything and Shiro didn't like talking about himself. But they all were really nice. And Lance liked them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a Voltron: Legendary Defender Group Therapy AU. What that means is that basically, they all meet at this teenage therapy meeting, and become friends, I guess. They are all a little messed up, but that's okay and they are working on it. I honestly don’t know what is going to happen to this story, but we will see, I guess. It’s not very good, and I’m not sure how far I will get into it before either forgetting about it, or just dropping it, but oh well?
> 
> Warning! This story includes talks about depression, death, anxiety, PTSD, ADHD, Cancer, suicide, insomnia, and many other mental illnesses. Please do not put yourself at risk by reading this! Also mentions of blood, swearing, sex, and other things that teenagers would talk about. The story literally starts off with a failed suicide attempt and thoughts of suicide, so please stay safe!
> 
> Also! There are some things said by the characters that are not a good way of thinking, mental health wise. I do not enjoy writing these lines, I really don't. But they are necessary because that's what goes through your brain when you have depression and anxiety and all of the other mental illnesses that are present in this story.
> 
> I try to portray the mental illnesses as best I can, but I personally have only had to deal with depression and minor anxiety. So I apologize if I don’t portray them correctly. I’m doing a bunch of research, but if you find that something is wrong, please comment or something. But also keep in mind that everyone’s experience with mental illness is different.
> 
> I do not own the Voltron: Legendary Defenders characters!

I believe that everyone has some sort of purpose. Everyone is put on this planet to do something. Ever since I was little, I thought I was going to make a change that helped people. That’s all I wanted, really. Was to help people. Maybe not the way that surgeons of firefighters do. But making people happy and smile and just forget life for a little while. That’s what my purpose was going to be. But I guess it's kinda hard to keep up with that belief when your body is killing itself. I have thought about it a lot. What would my purpose have been if I died within the next year? If I dropped dead right now, what would I have done, or sparked, or impacted that made my existence worth wild?

I walked into that coffee house with no clue what was going to happen. For all I knew, I could never walk out. But at this point, I don’t give two shits. A lot of different things happened. I showed up first, which was awkward, resulting in a very enthusiastic Coran talking his head off. Then he asked me if I wanted coffee, which I had to stupidly tell him that I actually didn’t drink coffee, I was more of a hot chocolate kind of person. Everyone else finally made it, if not a little late. I listened to my mama and tried to make friends with everyone there, which resulted in being a kid who tried to kill himself two weeks before, a 14 year old ten times smarter than me and half my size, an extremely socially anxious kid with a service dog I can’t pet (yet), a 21 year old war scarred veteran with no arm, and a princess who can’t eat. We’ll see how that goes. There were only five of us, six is you count Allura, and I definitely count Allura.

Shiro really stuck out to me throughout the whole night. I feel like I recognize him from somewhere. As he talked about his time in the military, I continued to be puzzled. His face looked really familiar. And his story sounded familiar…

After the meeting finished up and Coran had disappeared into the back room, I turned to Keith. “When do you get the cast off?”

“Well, it’s not really a cast. More like… a brace. I think. But, uh… tomorrow. Actually.”

“So is it a little too late to ask to sign it?” I asked, holding up the blue pen that has been sitting in my jacket pocket since third period. I had forgotten about it until now.

Keith’s cheeks darkened, and I wondered how hot he was in that scarf. He still haven't taken it off. The room was really warm.  “Hm, sure. Go ahead.” He held out his arm, and I took it gently.

“Whoa, we’re signing the case! Someone find me a pen!” Pidge grabber a green sharpie from the cup of pens placed conveniently on the counter next to a brightly colored tip jar. She raced over and took Keith’s arm a little less gently, causing him to grunt. Muttering a nonchalant apology, Pidge scribbled her name in a large font.

“Uh, can, um… can I? Too?” Hunk asked. Cooper had sat down on his feet. The bright golden fur shone brightly under the LED lights and I wished I could pet him. He is a very good boy. But that's against the rules. He is a working pup, just trying to make a living.

Keith nodded, throwing a smile across his face. I could tell he was just trying to make Hunk more comfortable. I chuckled as Hunk grabbed a random pen from the cup. Which happened to be a yellow glitter pen.

I grabbed my crutches and stood, groaning as pressure was applied. “Oh yeah! The name “Hunk” in glittery gold! It’s perfect!” I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. Pidge let out a cackle. Yes. I liked her. Hunk blushed and wrote his name in careful letters.

There was a car honk outside and Pidge looked up. “Shit! I’ve got to go! That’s my brother.” She grabbed her coat, shoving pen into her pocket without even realizing it. “Bye, guys! Text me!” She waved, swinging the door closed with a thud.

“Well, I’ve got to go too.” Keith gave a small wave, biting his lip in that way. You know, when you are unsure of everything you are doing, so you just bite your lip and wish you could reabsorb the words you just said. Because it was weird or random or just didn’t sound right. But what he just said sounded find to everyone else, but probably sounded really weird to him. Because that's how brains work. I think. I’ve been in hospitals enough, I’m basically a doctor. “Uh, bye.”

I watched Keith hurry to gather his jacket and head out the door. I weighed my options, wondering if I should say goodbye or not. I had only known him for… about two and a half hours. But he seemed. Off. Maybe that is just how he is. Or maybe not. I decided against it, simply waving. Shiro followed him, shoving his phone in his pocket and smiling at Allura, giving a wave to everyone else. “See you soon, I hope.” Shiro smiled at Allura.

After I watched Shiro follow Keith to their car, making a mental note to think about who he reminds me of later, I turned to Hunk. “Bud, we-” I pointed a finger at his chest then back towards mine, smiling. “-are friends now.” I readjusted my crutches.

“We, we are?” Hunk asked. “R-really?”

“Yeah, dude! Totally!” Hunk smiled a little brighter.

“Well, thanks, thanks for being my friend.” He readjusted Cooper’s leash one more time before glancing at the large watch on his wrist. Then at his phone. “Looks like my mom is gonna be, uh, be late. She is probably caught up at the hospital. She, she was, was on call tonight. Cause she works in, in the emergency room sometimes. Uh, yeah.”

“Where do you live? Do you need a ride home?” I asked. If he lived in town, I’m sure my mom would be fine with giving him a ride. “Because I can probably give you one.”

“Oh, uh, it’s probably fine-” Hunk fiddled with his dogs leash, his face flushed with nervous energy.

Hunk seemed like the kind of person who doesn’t like having people do things for him. Even if it is completely convenient for both of us. He feels like he can’t repay that small favor, even though he doesn’t need too. “No! I insist! Do you live in town?”

Hunk nodded. “I live on Willow Street.”

“You’re kidding! I live right off Willow Street. I’m over on Brown.” I smiled. Man, I have been living near this kid my whole life and we never knew the other existed. It’s always weird to think about that. That there are other people in those houses. Other people with lives and families and friends and thoughts and feelings. That I probably use to walk by his house everyday on my way home from the bus stop. “We can give you a ride, c’mon.” I smiled heading towards the door. I shot a smile at Allura, grabbing my jacket from where I had placed it on the couch two hours ago.

“See you soon-” I winked at her. “In my dreams.”

She just sighed.

I exited the coffee house with Hunk in tow, leading him to the beat up blue mini-van that was older than I was. My mom sat in the front seat, digging through her oversized purse. When she saw me, she smiled and waved. Rosa McClain was a short Cuban women with bright red hair and an attitude no one wants to mess with. Ever. My mama and Papa met in California. Papa’s family was half white, half mexican. Mama had just gotten citizenship in America. “Hey, sweetheart! Who’s your friend?”

“This is Hunk, he needs a ride, he lives on Willow Street.” I smiled, handing her my crutches as I climbed into the car. Routine. I don’t even think about it anymore. “That’s okay, right? I probably should have asked first.”

“That’s okay.” Mama stepped out of the car to move a box, seeing Cooper for the first time. “Oh my god! You have a dog!” I could see her itching to pet him.

“You, um, can pet him. If you want. Uh, yeah.”

As my mother baby talked the happy dog, I motioned for Hunk to climb in the car, pushing some old food and toys out of the way. “Sorry, our car is so gross.”

“It is not gross. It’s lived in.” She helps Cooper into the car and shuts the door. “Alright, off we go!”

The ride was less than quiet. Mama was chatting away, talking about her day watching my niece and nephew and the adventures of cooking a pie. “Hunk, if you don’t mind me asking, why were you at the meeting tonight?”

“Well, uh… I have social anxiety. Panic, p-panic disorder. That’s why I have Cooper. He is a sort of, um… stable thing. That stays the same everyday. Routine and stuff.”

“Oh, well I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Its okay. I’ve been living with is for a little while now.”

“Lance was diagnosed when he was thirteen. Worst year of my life. I absolutely hated watching my little boy just… wash away. He looked so sad and drained all the time. Never smiled.”

“Ma.” She talked like I wasn’t sitting right behind her.

“Well, you did. And I know he may act all happy and flirt with every girl within reach, but he’s really struggling. I can tell. Mother’s know. That's why he went to that meeting. I asked him too.” She exhaled. “But look! He made a friend!”

“Yes, I’m, I, yes Ma’am.”

“Oh, no need to call me ma’am, Hunk!”

I shot up in my seat. “Oh my god!”

“What?” My mother asked enthusiastically from the front seat.

“Takashi Shirogane! Shiro! He was the fighter squadron leader that went down a two years ago! I read all about him after I realized that I wanted to be a pilot! That guy is my hero! Well, was my hero…”

“Wow… I, I heard about him-” Hunk’s noes crinkled and he huffed. “Everyone thought he was dead, but they found him in, uh… They found him after he escaped and crossed the border.”

“Hm, poor boy.” Mama sighed to herself and then

We dropped Hunk off and I waved to him, promising to text. He smiled and made his way toward the door of the apartment complex.

“He seems very nice.” My mother hummed to herself.

“Uh, yeah.” I was watching my phone screen as I added more numbers to group. “He is. They all were. Very nice.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been gone way too long, and I'm really sorry. This chapter is also really terrible, so I'm sorry for that to. The writing is so bad. You would think that after two weeks I could get some quality writing done, but nooooo, brain had to be stubborn about it.  
> Whatever. Here you go!  
> I'm hoping to have the next chapter out soon, I owe you all one, I suppose.  
> Like I said, its a really crappy chapter with no real substance or anything and its really lame and bleh. Sorry.  
> I went through the story again and I realized that there are so many things that are weird and wrong and bleh. SO SORRY ABOUT THAT! UGH! I'M A MESS!  
> got some klance and a little shallura in there... uh.... yeh. I'm tired.


	11. Shiro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It takes a lot to finally admit when it’s time to take care of yourself. It really does. Because you have to first, make the realization that you need to help yourself, and then you need to make the decision to focus on yourself and take yourself away from what you were previously focusing on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a Voltron: Legendary Defender Group Therapy AU. What that means is that basically, they all meet at this teenage therapy meeting, and become friends, I guess. They are all a little messed up, but that's okay and they are working on it. I honestly don’t know what is going to happen to this story, but we will see, I guess. It’s not very good, and I’m not sure how far I will get into it before either forgetting about it, or just dropping it, but oh well?
> 
> Warning! This story includes talks about depression, death, anxiety, PTSD, ADHD, Cancer, suicide, insomnia, and many other mental illnesses. Please do not put yourself at risk by reading this! Also mentions of blood, swearing, sex, and other things that teenagers would talk about. The story literally starts off with a failed suicide attempt and thoughts of suicide, so please stay safe!
> 
> Also! There are some things said by the characters that are not a good way of thinking, mental health wise. I do not enjoy writing these lines, I really don't. But they are necessary because that's what goes through your brain when you have depression and anxiety and all of the other mental illnesses that are present in this story.
> 
> I try to portray the mental illnesses as best I can, but I personally have only had to deal with depression and minor anxiety. So I apologize if I don’t portray them correctly. I’m doing a bunch of research, but if you find that something is wrong, please comment or something. But also keep in mind that everyone’s experience with mental illness is different.
> 
> I do not own the Voltron: Legendary Defenders characters!

The fan above my bed taunted me. I’m not sure why, but I hated it’s existence because it just kept spinning. And spinning. And spinning. Yet I continue to turn it on every night before I get into bed, and I refuse to get out of said bed and turn it off. So I watch it taunt me.

My eyes slowly droop, like they always do, and I fall into a restless sleep, like I always do. And I have nightmares. Like I always do.  
It’s always the dead scattered across the ground as the few that did survive the crash fend off the enemy. Bombs flew through the air. Big, booming sounds followed by screams and flames. The sound of machines guns from the fighter jets above us, ripping bodies apart with no mercy. The gunshots filled my ears. The smell of fire and heat and human bodies made my nostrils flare in protest. I tried to help my partner away, I tried to get us away. Out of the bullets rang and the pink dust. I gripped his body against mine, trying to hold him. His chest was barely moving, and my hand was pressing hard against a large wound from the plane shrapnel. I knew he was going to die. He want going to survive this. But I didn’t want him to die here. I wanted his body to be able to get back to his family. A solid object slammed into the back of my head. I fell. A grenade landed next to us.

“Daniel!” I cried, sitting up in my bed. My heart pounded in my chest and I tried to ignore the tears in my eyes. The images flashed in my brain as I squeezed my eyes shut.

I quickly got out of bed, rubbing my eyes and grabbing a pillow. I crossed the hallway caustically, as though the floorboard his landmines. I thought about knocking, but then decided against it. I opened the door a crack.   
Keith was lying on his side, his back facing the door. He was breathing. Alive. Okay. I let out a sigh of relief.

“Shiro?” Keith turned over. “What are you doing?”

“Sorry, Keith. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m fine.” He paused, and I could feel his frowning. “Did you have a nightmare?”

“Yes.”

“Did you want to sleep in here.”

I didn’t answer. I didn’t want to seem stupid. It was silly, that I needed to sleep with my little brother. That I needed to sleep with anyone, really. I’m 22. I shouldn’t have too…

“Come here.” Keith waved his hand, then fell back into his mattress with a flump. “You can stay here.”

“This is silly. I’m supposed to be comforting you when you have a nightmare. Not the other way around.”

“That fact that you just said silly is silly.”

I huffed, but walked into the room.

Keith turned back towards the wall. I closed my eyes and stared at the ceiling, which didn’t have a fan. Thank god.

Again, I let my eyes droop, like they always do, and I finally go to sleep.

The rest of the night wasn't interrupted, thankfully. I woke up with Keith’s leg sprawled across my chest. His mouth was open, small snored escaping his lips. The soft sunlight floated into the windows. I snorted and pushed his leg off. He made a huffing noise, but otherwise didn’t move. I went downstairs to find something to eat.

My mother was sitting in the living, reading a book all in Japanese. From what I could see, it was some romantic drama book called “The Sky's Desire” Which sounds really stupid. She glanced up when I walked in. “Good morning, Sweetheart.”

“Morning,” I muttered.

“Keith had his new therapist today.”

I stopped my trek to the kitchen. “Oh yeah. He does, doesn’t he.” I frowned. “So I can’t come in with him?”

“No, Aiko. You cannot.” Aiko, she calls me. Little Loved one. Even though I’m not little anymore. She is the little one now. Short little Japanese women. They are not wrong, you know. Asian women shrink as they get old. “He needs to figure things out for himself.”

Or maybe its just all old people. “Oh.”

\---

“You should go to school.” Keith was eating a bacon cheeseburger, despite the fact that he was both lactose intolerant, and probably just going to throw it up later. 

Another one of Keith’s many struggles in life was the inability to keep down any food. He has struggled with it since he was little. He can eat sometimes, but he has been hospitalized eight times since we adopted him. Sometimes he can eat, and he always tries. But ends up just throwing it all up. He isn’t anorexic. Keith likes eating, he has told me a million times when he is lying awake in my bed, unable to fall asleep because he is just starving. He tells me how he really does enjoy eating, and he doesn’t do it on purpose. He just can’t help it.

Thankfully, he looked to be enjoying this burger, so I’m glad I didn’t protest. I shifted my own burger from one hand to the other, examining it. He had his therapy meeting in an hour.

“First, slow down, you are going to choke, second, your appetite is getting better, that's good. And third, I can’t go to college.”

“Why not?” He had burger in his mouth. “You can choose basically any college you want, it’s all free for you.”

“God, Keith-” I threw a napkin at his face. “We were in public, for goodness sake.”

He shrugged. “Well, why can’t you?”

“Because I have better things to worry about than school.”

He frowned. “You mean me.”

“Well, I… I’m your brother.”

“You are also a human being. Who should have some sort of life besides worry about his suicidal little brother.” His words were bland, holding little meaning.

“I don’t want to go to school.”

“How are you going to live the rest of your life? Are Mom and Dad gonna support you until you die?” He stole some French fries off my plate, despite having his own. 

I scowled. “That seems to be your plan.”

He looked at his plate.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I can’t find a job. Something that will pay the bills. I’ll figure it out.” 

Keith placed his burger down on his plate. “Shiro. You are a cripple. You don’t have an arm!” He motioned to my jacket sleeve, which was clipped up.

“I’ll figure it out. Besides, what would I study? The military was my plan. I don’t know what else there is to do. I’m a pilot.”  
Keith frowned, thinking. “Have you ever considered teaching?”

“What?”

His jacket’s wrists were pushed up, despite the nipping temperatures outside, and the bruised scar from his surgery. It was covered with a white bandage. The others scars were all white, which made me happy, because that means he hadn’t found something to cut himself with. Unless he is hiding it on his thighs or something. I’ll try and find out later.

“Teaching. You would be good at it.” 

“The hell would I teach?” Some of my ketchup fell off my burger. I grunted in annoyance, scooping it off the plate with a fry. 

“I don’t know. You would go to college and find out. What do you want to do before you decided on the military?”

“Keith-” That was a good question. What did I want to do before I joined the military. I don’t remember really having any hobbies besides sports. Football and baseball. Nothing exciting.  
“What about physical education? You could become a PE teacher or a coach or something. A lot of ex-Army and ex-Marines do that.”

“You want me to go to college and study teaching?”

“Or literally anything else. I think teaching would be good for you.” He grabbed at his neck, tugging his shirt down so it wasn’t touching his neck. The pink scar made me cringe. It didn’t look bad, it actually looked pretty badass, I think. But he had a scar. On his neck. From someone trying to slit his throat. And I hate that.

“We are done with this conversation. Did you take your meds today?”

“Uh, yeah.”

Don’t lie to me. “Keith.”

“No.” He looked at me. “But I will.”

I just sighed. “Take a few more bites of your burger.” And keep it down.

\---

“Are you sure you don’t want me in there with you? I can!” I asked one more time as he followed the nurse or whoever it was. He was wearing that stupid red jacket with the collar turned up and the sleeves down, hiding his past and his pain and his strength.

“I’m fine.” See, I know that he is. I know that he will be fine sitting in there for an hour. Keith can do that just fine. But in my mind I need to make sure that he knows I can be there if he wants me to be.

“Okay-” I sat back in the chair and watched him walk back. Keith disappeared around the corner. He is going to be fine. He will talk to someone who doesn’t know him, and he will figure out what's going on in his brain and we will fix it so he be happy and healthy. Which is what we need. 

“Takashi?” A voice called from the nurses station. 

“Yes? Thats me.” I answered, getting up. 

“You wanna come with me?” She had short brown hair and a smile on her face. A white doctors coat covered dark blue scrubs. Her name tag said “Dr. Hannah Scott.” Dr. Scott adjusted her glasses. 

“Yes, thank you.”

I may be his older brother. I may love him more than I love anything else in this world. But I do have to think about myself a little too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been a very long time, and I’m very, very sorry. I’m a really sucky human being. Like, my brain just isn’t functioning correctly. I started writing Pidge’s chapter first, but then I changed my mind a few days ago and wrote shiro isntead. And usually I’m not very happy with the chapters I write, but right now I’m pretty satisfied. I know I won’t be later, but I do now.  
> So, I feel like I should warn you guys, I’m like, seriously depressed right now. And you know, I’m dealing, I’m fine. Probably. My goal was to get a chapter out once a week. It’s been like, a month, and i’ve Only put out two chapters. So sorry. I’m trying, but writing is hard.   
> Yeah, anyway. I think this chapter is actually pretty good. I know that opinion will change. But whatever.


	12. Lance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance loves the stars. He has loved them for forever. They seem to be the only constant thing in his life. They are much older than him. They have seen more and lived through more. And they will live on through more, unlike Lance, who is convinced he is going to die. Because that's what people with cancer do. They don't get better. They die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a Voltron: Legendary Defender Group Therapy AU. What that means is that basically, they all meet at this teenage therapy meeting, and become friends, I guess. They are all a little messed up, but that's okay and they are working on it. I honestly don’t know what is going to happen to this story, but we will see, I guess. It’s not very good, and I’m not sure how far I will get into it before either forgetting about it, or just dropping it, but oh well?
> 
> Warning! This story includes talks about depression, death, anxiety, PTSD, ADHD, Cancer, suicide, insomnia, and many other mental illnesses. Please do not put yourself at risk by reading this! Also mentions of blood, swearing, sex, and other things that teenagers would talk about. The story literally starts off with a failed suicide attempt and thoughts of suicide, so please stay safe!
> 
> Also! There are some things said by the characters that are not a good way of thinking, mental health wise. I do not enjoy writing these lines, I really don't. But they are necessary because that's what goes through your brain when you have depression and anxiety and all of the other mental illnesses that are present in this story.
> 
> I try to portray the mental illnesses as best I can, but I personally have only had to deal with depression and minor anxiety. So I apologize if I don’t portray them correctly. I’m doing a bunch of research, but if you find that something is wrong, please comment or something. But also keep in mind that everyone’s experience with mental illness is different.
> 
> I do not own the Voltron: Legendary Defenders characters!

I have a lot of people living in my house. Or, at least, a lot of people coming in and out of my house. It’s a pretty big house, but sometimes it can still feel crowded and loud. I have a big family. There's Mama and Papa, who run a business together, a grocery store down the street. My grandparents live in the small apartment in the basement, and my aunt practically lives here. My older brother Diego has his own house with Sarah and kids, but Mama watches the kids, Mateo and Mia, after school. My sister is commuting to the local college, so she is still around the bug me, and my little brother is a freshman in high school. And then there is me, cancer kid. And that’s just who is at the house. I also have a bunch of family back in Cuba, and some more family in, I think California. Something like that.

Like I said, pretty full house.

But, like any sappy teenage movie, my room has a window to the roof. Mama doesn’t like it when I go up there. She says it’s dangerous and I could get stuck or fall or something. But I like it. Because it’s quiet and away from all of the chaos. I may have been born and raised in the chaos, but everyone needs a break every once and a while. 

Plus I get tired really easily now.

It’s kind of cold up here, but it doesn’t bother me. The nighttime air feels like needles nipping at the back of my legs. The house across the street had their tv on. Football was bouncing across the screen, but I couldn’t see who was playing.

I don’t come up here to spy on my neighbors though. I like looking at the stars. The universe is infinite. It just keeps expanding and growing and getting bigger, better, more beautiful. Every star has a life spanned and there is no possible way to know what was out there. Everything is so unknown and amazing.

The universe is unlimited.

And humans are so, so limited.

I wish I could just… leave. Explore the universe and see things no one else has seen. Maybe a planet where everyone lives underground. Or a world covered in water full of merpeople. Advanced technology and giant ships and princesses and warriors defending the universe. Aliens and new animals and ideas and languages and new everything.

Maybe they even have a cure for cancer.

Or maybe we are alone in the universe. And we are going to all die alone in the universe.

Damn, I need to stop thinking, I get all depressed.

I shifted my hands back, stretching my sore wrists for a moment. The wind blew through my hair, not that there was much hair to blow through. It was still growing back since the chemo. I think I’m doing pretty good for a year, though. I wore baseball caps the entire time, never taking it off out in public. I finally had the confidence to stop wearing them last month. 

Before I was diagnosed I was the definition of confidence. But I guess dying will do that to you.

They keep telling me that the cancer is getting better. But it’s still there. It hasn’t grown or shrank or anything. Every doctor I have seen is worried about the same thing. Whether or not it will suddenly enlarge. Which, with my luck, it probably will. My current doctor says he can’t take the tumor out without removing my entire lower leg. But if the tumor doesn’t get any better soon, he thinks the best option would be to just amputate before it gets much worse. 

It can’t possibly be that bad, missing part of my leg. Maybe I’ll get half off of shoes.

There was a loud thud, which made me jump. I must have completely zoned out, staring into space for who knows how long. It was cold. Sophia rubbed the top of her head as she climbed out. She must have bumped her head on the window. I laughed.

“Hey, don’t make fun of me, I’m long. I miscalculated.”

“We are the same height. And I don’t hit my head coming out here.”

“Yeah, okay.” She reached over a poked my cheek, causing me to shiver. “You are freezing.”

“I was thinking. I got distracted.”

“That happens a lot now, doesn’t it? Thinking?”

I shrugged. Sophia looked like Mama, whereas I look more like Pa. She has dark red hair and lighter eyes that stand out more than mine. I look almost like a different kind of person. Dark skin, dark hair, and dark eyes. I look Cuban through and through. But the ladies dig the dark. We have the same face though. Same body. Mama says that her printer ran out of ink halfway through. I always tell her that’s kinda gross. “I have a lot to think about. Got a lot to mull over.”

Sophia frowned and readjusted her jacket. “Because you think you are going to die.”

“Because I know I’m going to die.”

“You are not going to fucking die.”

“You’re not going to fucking die-” I mimicked her by raising my voice an octave and made talking motions with my hands. “I have cancer, Soph. An incurable disease. And inoperable. So, yeah, I’m probably going to die.”

“Oh my god, shut up, Lance.”

“You can’t tell the kid who’s going to die to shut up. I think there is a rule about that.”

“There is no goddamn rule! You will die if you start thinking you don’t have anything left to live for-” I opened my mouth the protest, but she shushed me, holding up a finger. “And don’t tell me that’s not what you are thinking because it is.”

I huffed, crossing my arms. “I’m going inside. It’s cold.”

Sophia climbed back inside the window, still frowning. “You are an idiot.” 

“Perhaps.” I smiled, following her. “Now get out of my damn room.”

“Brat.”

“Nerd.”

She just scoffed, turning down the hall.

The window was still open, a sharp wind running through my room. Probably not the best move, when it was just about winter time. But I didn’t care. I enjoyed the cold most of the time. That tingling of your skin as the bitter chill slowly invades your body. It wasn’t a comfortable feeling, but it felt nice.

The moon wasn’t visible tonight, and there were only the dull street lamps to invade the night sky’s light. But I could see the stars really well. And that’s all I cared about right now. The stars. Constellations. 

I glanced over at the pile of notebooks I kept on my shelves. I have collected them over the years, whether they are from school, or therapists telling me it would be good to write down my thoughts. I never did it because I thought it was stupid. To write about what you ate that day and how some hot blonde didn’t pay me any attention at the grocery store.

Maybe I should do that. Write an entry every night. Not on what I ate, but something I examined in my brain. Something I thought deeply about.

I picked one up. Turned to the first page. Grabbed a pen.

_ Day one.  _

_ I am a cancer patient. I live with cancer every day. I deal with the nagging feeling in the back of my head that I could die any moment all the time.  _ _ But I guess that’s life, at this point. That’s how it works for me. I just have to live with that.  _

_ I remember watching a movie a little while ago. It was about a girl with cancer. She had the same kind of philosophy that I do. I know I’m going to die. Or, I will eventually. Everyone dies eventually. So what’s the point of fighting now, when you are only going to have a few more years after that anyway? _

_ It’s hard to imagine even a few more years when you have cancer. Because your body is literally trying to kill itself. _

_ But whatever. Who cares. I sure don't. _

_ You know what? I’ll talk about that meeting that I went too. It was actually not bad. I’ve been to plenty of support groups in my lifetime, my family seems to think that they will cure everything, which they won’t. But I like meeting people. Even if they could all die within a year or something.  _

_ The first support group I went to was for teens. We all traded numbers and stuff after, and we swore that if anything were to happen, our parents would call. I did get a call, from each one of their parents over the next two years. All of them died except me. _

_ But this support group it different. It’s for people with mental illness, mainly. So these kids aren’t going to suddenly drop dead on me. _

_ Well, maybe Keith. _

_ Keith is interesting. He has chronic depression, and I guess that it’s been a rough life for him, from what he told us, and with his brother's hesitancy to leave him alone, he could kill himself at any time.  _

_ Which would really suck. Because, I kinda like Keith. And I know he deserves better than to think that he deserves nothing. Everyone deserves better than that. _

_ I deserve better. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the amazing support. I don't want to take a break, I really don't. And I'll try not too. So here is a new chapter, very early. I hope I can pump the next one out just as fast, that would be amazing.
> 
> It has come to my attention that some people are worried about the "Major Character Death" warning. I just want to tell you that most of those warnings are there as a just in case. I truly don't know whats going to happen in this story, although I do have a few ideas in mind, I'm not really thinking that far ahead. I don't know how long this is even going to be. It could be 3 more chapters, it could be 30. I don't know.
> 
> I like this chapter, it didn't come out the way I wanted it too, but I think its okay. I just hope you all enjoy it. Also, I'm trying to be nice to Lance and Keith and Shiro and everyone. I don't want them to go through too much, even though poor Keith has had to deal with everything under the sun and Lance is dying. Yeah. Sorry.  
> I don't know what else to say? Life sucks? Have a good day? I love you?  
> Yeah.  
> Bye.


	13. Pidge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The human brain is unknown. Which is funny to think about. The human brain is unknown to the human brain. The brain does things that don't make sense and seem stupid, but to the brain, they make perfect sense. So when you are sitting there cursing your brain for everything it's doing to you, its just the brain cursing itself for doing things it thinks are right but its unknown why, to the human brain.  
> So Pidge gives up. She'd rather just lie in her bed and stare at he ceiling then worry about the fact that she hasn't slept or eaten anything. If her brain decided that she shouldn't do it, then maybe she should just listen to her brain?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a Voltron: Legendary Defender Group Therapy AU. What that means is that basically, they all meet at this teenage therapy meeting, and become friends, I guess. They are all a little messed up, but that's okay and they are working on it. I honestly don’t know what is going to happen to this story, but we will see, I guess. It’s not very good, and I’m not sure how far I will get into it before either forgetting about it, or just dropping it, but oh well?
> 
> Warning! This story includes talks about depression, death, anxiety, PTSD, ADHD, Cancer, suicide, insomnia, and many other mental illnesses. Please do not put yourself at risk by reading this! Also mentions of blood, swearing, sex, and other things that teenagers would talk about. The story literally starts off with a failed suicide attempt and thoughts of suicide, so please stay safe!
> 
> Also! There are some things said by the characters that are not a good way of thinking, mental health wise. I do not enjoy writing these lines, I really don't. But they are necessary because that's what goes through your brain when you have depression and anxiety and all of the other mental illnesses that are present in this story.
> 
> I try to portray the mental illnesses as best I can, but I personally have only had to deal with depression and minor anxiety. So I apologize if I don’t portray them correctly. I’m doing a bunch of research, but if you find that something is wrong, please comment or something. But also keep in mind that everyone’s experience with mental illness is different.
> 
> I do not own the Voltron: Legendary Defenders characters!

“So… How did it go?”

“Uh, well. It went well.”

“Well? What happened? What kind of people were there?”

“Well, there was this guy, Lance, he has cancer, uh… Osteosarcoma. Bone cancer.” Matt giggled, and I knew exactly what he was thinking about, but I chose to ignore it. “He had crutches and kept flirting with Allura the entire time. But he was really nice. He offered me a seat next to him and smiled a lot. And there was this other kid I was sitting next too, and his name is Hunk! Isn’t that weird?”

“Well, your name is Pidge, so…”

“That was a rhetorical question.” Matt laughed. “And Hunk has like, really bad social anxiety, so I’m really surprised that he even came because it’s a sort of social event and that’s scary even for me, and I don’t have anxiety. Anyway, he had a service dog named Cooper. There was this girl there, Allura, the one I mentioned earlier. She has an eating disorder, but she didn’t really describe what kind. And she has insomnia. Then Keith. Keith is kind of… I don’t really know how to describe him. Off. Off would be the best word. Not necessary in a bad way, just, off. When he was talking, which wasn’t very often, he wasn’t in focus.”

Matt nodded. “Focus” was a word I used often when it came to describing myself and my mindset. Not whether I was in focus, but whether my brain was in focus Because there is a difference between the two. You being in focus and your brain and mind being in focus.

“He was thinking a lot about what he was saying, I could tell. His brain was over analyzing everything. But not the way that mine does or the way Hunks would. He just made everything seem hopeless and out of reach.”

“What was Keith there for?”

“He tried to kill himself a few weeks ago. He had something on his wrist, like a cast. Maybe he tried to jump off the roof or something, but it wasn’t high enough to kill him.”

“Did it look like a regular cast? Or was it more like a brace?”

“We could write on it, Lance had everyone sign it. But it wasn’t a normal kind of cast. Yeah, more like a brace.”

“It sounds like he cut the tendon in his wrist. I think I read about it, a while ago. They give you this big brace so you don’t harm it even more after the surgery.”

“Oh.” I looked out the window for a moment. It was too dark to see things flashing by, save from the occasional street lamp. “That kinda makes sense. He took off his jacket and he had all of these horrible scars up his arms. Which is sad because he did that to himself. Keith is so sad and depressed and he hates himself so much that he was actually destroying his skin.”

“Well, some people don’t cut because they hate themselves. Sometimes they feel like they have no control. None in the world. So they do something that is within their control. I.e. cutting.” Mat sighed. “But it’s different for everyone.”

“That makes sense. Keith seemed like a person that would want control. But he definitely didn’t have it. His brother was there fussing over him the entire time. Making sure he was okay and all that. But I understand what Shiro was going at. I mean, if you tried to kill yourself I wouldn’t let you out of my sight-”

“Shiro?”

“Yeah, his brother. Takashi Shirogane, I think. Coran kept calling him Tadashi-”

“Takashi Shirogane?” Matt gasped but smiled. His brown eye like a deer in the headlights.

“Yeah? That’s what I just said.”

“You’re kidding! I know him! I went to high school with him. We were best friends, but we lost touch after he went off in the army.” Matt smiled. “How’s he doing? Is he okay?”

I told Matt about how he was there for PTSD, and how he was missing an arm and all that. Matt listened quietly, which was unusual for him. He usually interjects and makes comments as I go, or sometimes interrupts completely to tell a story. And that’s okay because I do the same thing. But this time he didn’t. He just listened.

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“So what else happened?”

\---

ADHD sucks sometimes and then is fine sometimes. It depends on basically everything. Did I eat enough? What kinds of fats and sugars were in what I ate? Did I sleep well? Anything stressing me out? If I have too many things going on that aren’t quite right, I shut down.

Which sucks.

I guess it’s just one of those weeks because I haven’t slept is 87 hours. Well, now 88.

I tried sleeping with my parents, that doesn’t work, that never works. I tried drinking water, that didn’t work. I tried to get work done so that maybe the stress could go away, but that didn’t work either.

And now I’m more behind on school work, sleep, and life in general.

“Pidge, what’s wrong?” Matt asked. “There has to be something wrong if you can’t function. Are you in focus? Do you feel distant?”

“I don’t know what’s wrong. It’s just a feeling, and it’s not even connected to anything. I don’t know what I’m upset about.”

“But are you in focus?” He reached his hand out and asked to touch me. 

I gave a short nod, then shook my head. “No. I’m not.”

“Hm.” Matt frowned.

“I don’t know what to do. I feel useless.” I wiggled my arms as a form of expression, my cheek squished up against his chest. He left his arms wrapped around my body like some sort fence.

“Maybe you can talk to your friends or something? Have you talked to anyone from that meeting?”

“Um… I don’t know. Lance sent us all like,  _ hello _ , and we all replied greetings. And then we said our names so everyone could add it to their contacts. Then Lance asked for pictures for the little profile picture thing, and Keith said no, but everyone else sent one. Then Lance said he didn’t want to send a picture because his mullet was ugly and Keith told him to fuck off.”

“But other than that, you haven’t talked to them?”

“Eh, I don’t know why I would talk to them, I just met them.”

“Well, why don’t you text them? Maybe It will make you feel a little better?”

I huffed, but complied, pulling my phone out. 

_**Pidge 3:27 PM:** Hey everyone! How’s life been? _

“There, you happy now?” I wiggled the screen in front of his face. 

“Wait until they reply. Start a conversation. Maybe it will help to have some real friends.”

Again, I just huffed. Then my phone chimed.

It was Lance. 

_**Lance 3:28:** Pretty good! @ the hospital 4 ma meds _

_**Pidge 3:38:** Fun stuff _

_**Lance 3:28:** Oh yeh _ I frowned at his spelling. And grammar.  _ Lance 3:28: Were u @?? _

_**Pidge 3:29:** You know it’s easier to just write out at instead of switching keyboards for the @ symbol, right? _

_**Lance 3:29:** Boo, ur no fun. _

_**Pidge 3:30:** I’m at home. Freaking out for no reason. _

_**Lance 3:30:** Ew. _

Eventually, Keith and Hunk joined it. Keith had just gotten out of a meeting with his therapist, and Hunk didn’t say what he was doing. We continued to talk, and I couldn’t help but smile at Lance’s stupid antics. He kept making jokes about how he thought the old guy sitting next to him was going to croke soon or how there was a three-year-old running around like she was Godzilla. Keith was making fun of Shiro, who apparently was driving and rambling about how much he liked mango smoothies. Then they stopped at the store and got mango smoothies even though it's like, 10 degrees outside. And Hunk was just making comments here and there, talking about school and things that Lance reminded him about.

And then I sat down and did all of my homework.

\---

I started talking to Hunk more. He was really nice, even though he wouldn’t stop apologizing for everything he said. I understood, but it was still slightly frustrating. 

Hunk was really cool though, besides the crippling anxiety. He does school online, his mom is a nurse, his other mom was in the military. Hunk likes cooking and building things. I thought that was strange at first because they are two very different things to enjoy, but he explained that they were actually really similar. Each piece has its own job and addition to the whole. Each is equally important because if even one of the ingredients is missing, the whole machine is a bust.

Which is a really cool way to think about it. 

We are scheduled to hang out Saturday, I guess. Not just me and Hunk, Keith and Lance would be joining us. Shiro said he would love too, but he can’t. “ _ I’ll be sure to say hi when I drop Keith off, though.” _ He probably just wants Keith to hang out with people his own age. Lance said we should watch a Disney movie, and I said no. 

“ _ One rule,”  _ Keith said. He doesn’t talk on the chat much, so I was surprised when he joined the group phone call. “ _ We don’t talk about our… things.” _

“ _ Deal.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this chapter is actually really bad, but I don't know what else to say? I know this story doesn't seem to be going anywhere, and it kind of isn't, but I guess that its fine? I don't know.  
> Pidge is a hard one. She doesn't have a mental illness inflicted by past trauma's or something, it's just there. SO all of my attempts at deep writing are kind of shitty.  
> I have been doing pretty good about keeping up with chapters, I like to think! I'm dealing with the stress of trying to plan my entire future right now, whether or not I want to go into early childhood education or just focus on my writing? Its a huge thing, and I'm not going to say it here, let's just say that I'm glad it's Friday.  
> Oh! Also, I know that Pidge's symptoms may not be exactly like ADHD you have seen, maybe, but I have a friend, his name is Morgan, and he had pretty bad ADHD, and it causes him to have the same sort of issues I gave Pidge. Not being able to sleep or eat because you're brain just wants to go go go.  
> Thank you so much for reading, comments are much appreciated, I love you all!


	14. Announcement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No, this isn't a chapter, sorryyyyyyyy

Okay... so. This isn't a chapter, duh, I'm sorry I took so long to get any sort of update out, its been like a month. Which is not great, but whatever. Anyway, this is my announcement to say that I have not given up on this story! I really enjoy it and love it and I know it has a bunch of potential, but there are tings that need to be fixed before I can continue. So I'm going on a little hiatus, even though I've kind of been on one already, to go back and fix everything I think is total shit. Because there is a lot of just terrible writing and bad choices. Ugh. If you have any thoughts or ideas, please please please leave comments, I would love to hear from all of you and see what you think could be fixed or changed or added too. I will not be offended at all if you just go ahead and tell me that it sucks and I should just give up. I mean, I probably won't give up, but I appreciate the feedback anyway. I will hopefully get everything sorted out and fixed by March 29th (my birthday), and hopefully will be back on track with chapter fourteen out.

Thank you all for every comment and kudos you have given, it is amazing to see that people actually somewhat enjoy what I wrote, despite it being so terrible and fucked up.


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